Angry email... Dazed: I did it. Last night, very late, I got so angry that I sent the very email I swore I'd never send. I was angry. Very angry. I made sure he knows just how angry I am. I feel used and betrayed and violated, and he's to blame. I compared him to his father, who has a VERY weak character. I was angry, but never could have predicted the effect it actually had. He was hurt. Very hurt. And never expected it from me.
The worst part was that this email was the first communication I've had with him in a week. I decided last week to move on, and not talk to him anymore. I didn't want him to have his cake and eat it too. I know he wants friendship, but that's just not good enough for me. In fact, the person he's become through all of this is not good enough for me.
I just feel so horrible. Not for what I said, because I meant and believe every last word. But I wasn't trying to be hurtful. I wasn't trying to be anything but honest.
Why do emotions make us do such stupid things? Why do I feel so out of control?
Re:Angry email... Druid13: I did something similar myself at one point. My ex replied by saying "I don't know what set you off"...and so on. I was angry. I was angry at all of the lying I had been subjected to . There were so many of them especialy during her affair. Lying about how she felt about me...lying about so many personal things I won't get into. The person she turned into I feel is not the person I married or even dated so many years ago. I think character is part of the problem with my ex also. I too felt very used and betrayed by my ex. ..anytime I tried to email her about this ( I had forgiven and wanted to reconcile) she said she never inteneded to betray me....she never intended to hurt me. How she can say that is beyond me. Even after some of our worst arguements I never turned to another person outside of the marriage...ever.
Re:Angry email... Spectrum: I think we all go through these periods. You think you're very detached, and it all seems to be coming together. Then suddenly an invisible trigger is pulled and you have a *need* for the ex/stbx to know exactly how angry you are and why.
I got the same response the two of you seem to have gotten.... "Where did this come from? I thought you weren't so mad at me anymore?"
I had a few of these moments months back when I was in the middle of the divorce process.
Just remember that whatever you say, you can't take back.
Spectrum.
Re:Angry email... Dazed: Well, I can't say that I regret what I said in the email. In fact I meant, and still mean, every last word. I do, however, regret sending it to him. At least now. I don't think he was ready to hear the things I needed to say. Especially the comparison to his dad. I really need him to be receptive to my thoughts, but it's way too early for that. He's still very defensive about the OW (to his friends...I don't talk about her anymore). He knows they will not welcome her as a friend and that really bothers him. But what does he expect? She's a complete tramp and he's just lucky that they don't hold his as responsible for what's happened as I do. He doesn't know just how lucky he is. An angry email from me is harmless compared to what my friends/family have been suggesting...
But, I am truly sorry that it hurt him. I really didn't mean it to. And I also didn't mean it to rekindle communications with him. I had not talked/emailed with him in nearly a week when I broke down and wrote that email. He even said something like he didn't know which was harder; not hearing from me in a week, or getting such an email out of the blue. I think I'll still to no communication from now on. Besides, I'm moving 500 miles away in two weeks. I have a life to get on with. I can't keep thinking about what he's doing with his.
But I know this moment of clarity won't last. This rollercoaster seems to be getting more and more polarized. Higher highs and lower lows.
