Here's the deal...I was at my friend's house yesterday and her neighbor, who is kinda a hottie, yelled over from across his yard hello to us and then he came over to meet me. Then I explained that I was goign to be taking care of their pets while my friends were gone on vacation for the next week and 1/2. So, the guy is talking to me...and says "yeh, I got a swimming pool in back. You can come over and swim anytime!" o.k. So, I'm standing there feeling surreal. I am standing there with my body saying "aaahhh! You can't go swimming in this guys pool! Who does he think you are?! You are a married woman?!" WHAT! No I"M NOT!!! So, I don't know how to get over this feeling of "crossing the line" that we draw with flirtation and exchange with the opposite sex when it's been there for 10 years! I felt so strange. So stupid. Like, this person who had no idea how to respond or what to say or do in that situation. My head says "he left you... MOVE ON!" but my body/heart say "your committed! What the heck are you going here?" It's habit. Truely. It's habit. 10 years of drawing the line is hard to break.
I know you all who are further out in this process have gone through this too...and might even be doing the (gulp) "dating thing" (gulp). Any advice on how to move beyond this "heart line"?
Re: Flirting notmyself: go for honey! ;) okay, that being said, how to move remove that line we all set for ourselves as "married". it was hard for me. the day that i ran into the guy that is now my boyfriend i still was wearing my wedding band. i stopped wearing it that day. you will know in your heart when you ready. go swimming, if you want nothing further, don't go further. you may just be scared and not really recognizing as that, but as you are married. you are not doing anything wrong. it is hard getting out of that mind set and it is so confusing moving on. you will know your boundaries, don't push yourself ebyond what you can handle. good luck!
Re:Flirting achingallover: Yeh - I think you're right, notmyself - I will know when it's time. I think I am DEFINATLY scared. Scared to give anyone the power to hurt me right now - as I am still majorly healing from something I got smacked upside the head with by my stbx! I guess I know deep down that at some point, I will just know it's o.k. to trust. I guess. Who knows at this point...
but I don't think I'll be doing in swimming in the next month! ;)
Re:Flirting notmyself: and if you are not ready now that is fine. you will get through this. remember though, just because you are going swimming it doesn't mean anything. now if it leads to something else, well that is a different story. i felt the same. the few times i went out it was a little strange, holding up that proper appearance, but then i held my bf's hand for the first time and it didn't feel strange or weird or anything like i thought it would be. it was like i had been waiting for it forever, and that's when i knew it was okay. you will know when you are ready, just don't let anyone rush you, but don't wait forever either. some where in the middle. hugs to you honey.
Re:Flirting down2basics: I'm with NMS! Do what makes you comfortable...but...for my vote...........
[color=Purple"> [size=8"> [font=Verdana"> [move"> GO FOR IT!!!![/move"> [/font"> [/size"> [/color">
Go get 'em girlfriend! It could give you a boost!
[glow=red,2,300"> [color=Red"> [font=Verdana"> HUGS!!![/font"> [/color"> [/glow">