Grass is greener cloud: Anyone have advice for not dwelling on the stbx and thinking that she is having loads of fun now that she is single and that she is probably looking back thinking "why was I ever married to him?"
Is it stupid mind games that I'm playing on myself? Wasted energy?
Re:Grass is greener SherylLynn: Wasted energy yest, but we all do it!
My stbx wanted to reconcile 3 weeks ago, the day of our mediation appt.
I agreed and things were pretty good until last week. Wednesday he started acting weird again and I got suspicious of his behavior. When confronted, he said nothing was going on.
Well, I checked my "resources", he had seen his OW and had been talking with her for a couple of days before hand.
So after getting info confirmed, I confronted him again and I told him how I knew he was seeing her again. He got mad at me for checking email and "snooping around", but never addressed the point that he was seeing the OW. 5 days later, he confessed that he had seen her, but now, because I was snooping around and acting like I didn't trust him, he doesn't want to try anymore.
So, he "cheated" again, I figured it out and confirmed it, he didn't like that he got caught and now I am the one who is sabitaging our reconcillation efforts. Does that make sense?
He has been flip-flopping for months and this is just another flip on the trampoline of life. He wants both and can't have both. He doesn't know how to make a decision so he says that I caused the problems.
Well, maybe this round I did. Maybe I didn't really want to reconile, maybe I was ready to move on when he came back and wanted to try and it was too late but I couldn't see it yet?
Any thoughts?
Thanks
Sheryl
Re:Grass is greener cloud: It doesn't make sense that you are being held accountable for sabotaging the reconciliation efforts.
He is doing it by keeping his options open with the OW. How long was he planning to do that before committing himself to the relationship and taking it a step beyond just working on a reconciliation?
Maybe he thought he was working things out in his mind by talking with the OW? Getting his decision straight on which way he wanted to go. And by you learning about what he was doing, he now feels rushed to decide?
Re:Grass is greener Kinney26: I don't know. My stbx told me the other day that this hasn't been easy for her either and it hasn't been easy getting over me. I asked, then why do you have too. Of course I got the, "We've talked about this". Not really, every time I ask why there is no chance of us getting back together, I get that same answer. So I still don't really know. If it hasn't been easy, why does she feel the need to put me behind her so bad? I don't know how happy she is but I do know she hangs out with friends a lot, so I know she is happier than me.
Re:Grass is greener LettinGo: Sheryl,
Everytime STBX lies to me and I catch him, it is always "my fault". He lied to me about going to work one night, swore he was there, and then I found a receipt for dinner for him and the OW dated the night he was supposedly working, at a restaurant two hours from his job.
When I confronted him, it was all "my fault for trying to be a damn detective". Detective? It was sitting in the cup holder where I was just about to put my travel coffee mug in the car!
Sorry ... but your ex saying that since you snooped "he doesn't want to try anymore" is a lame excuse. If he really wanted to work things out, he would accept that trusting him again is something that he has to WORK and EARN and doesn't reappear overnight!
Hugs, Kelly
