It's Friday, and I'm not in love cloud: (Cure song. Showing my age.)
Anyway, it's Friday. Looking at a long, long weekend with my daughter. That's a positive.
I feel down today and not seeing too many bright spots to cheer me up.
I'm taking my daughter to see her great grandmother tomorrow and I know my mind will be running overtime during the car trip.
I keep thinking I'm going to reach that point where I just don't care anymore. That I can find peace just drinking a beer and believing that things work out for the best.
I'm capable of so d**n much.
Re:It's Friday, and I'm not in love brokenman: Oh boy. Now you've done it. HIJACK! The only person I have ever known that even heard of the Cure is my ex. She loves Robert Smith (lead singer) and listened to them constantly. Let's just say I cannot stand to hear their music anymore. I have, however, put one of their songs as the ringtone on my phone for her incoming calls. That way, I get good and ticked off before answering.
Enjoy your weekend with your daughter. That is a lot to look forward to. Just enjoy Friday for what it is.
Re:It's Friday, and I'm not in love Kinney26: We will all get there at some point. I know it is frustrating not knowing when because I feel the same way. I feel better today than I have the past few days. A lot of the posts helped me. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't found this site. I don't have to see the stbx today so that is good. You don't have to see yours this weekend either so that is good.
I know how the car thing is because I drive a lot for my job. Just turn on the radio and sing with your daughter. If you get down, start talking to her. I find that just having goofy little conversations with my son always put a smile on my face.
Re:It's Friday, and I'm not in love cloud: I know. You're right.
I just feel like there is a cloud over me.
I often don't like to be tied down to anything because I often want to pursue anything at a moment's notice that will provide some kind of distraction.
I just don't have a purpose. I want to be in my daughter's life--that's for d**n sure. I want to be successful in my career. I want to take care of myself. I want to be happy.
There isn't a strong overarching purpose anymore.
Re:It's Friday, and I'm not in love recentlydiscarded: I am a huge Cure fan. Yes I admit it. I used to drive my husband nuts with my love for 80's music, namely the Cure and Duran Duran.
Anyways today I woke up and thought about the s2bx for a couple of hours. Wondered what time he went home last night. If he's alone in our bedroom. If he thinks about us even a quarter as much as we think about him. If he's happy in our big empty home alone.
He hasnt read the e-mail I sent him yet. Figures. He doesnt want to hear anything I have to say lately.....I think it's because he knows Im right and he hates feeling guilty about leaving us with nothing.
This weekend will be hard. I'll fight hard every day to resist calling him. It's been three days since our last phone call and Im making sure I wont be the one to call. I wonder if he went to the lawyer's office yesterday even though I bailed.
Gonna take my son to the state fair tonight with my sister and her family. Watching him have fun always makes me smile at least for the time being.....but it is hard to be around my sister and her husband in a way too. He is a great guy and they are so happy together.
God get me through the next few days.
