need advice erikaj: My husband and I have been separated for almost 6 months. He now lives with his 15 years younger girlfriend in her parents home. Twice during the last month he has come to me saying that he knows that the "right thing to do do"is to come home and try to make it work. Yesterday he was here and I told him I didn't want the divorce and wanted to fight it. He says he still cares about me but he cares about OW too. He did agree to put the divorce on hold and not pursue it for now. He couldn't even tell me he wanted me to give up on him. She apparently knows nothing about this, AM I stupid to keep holding on to this hope, or is there really a chance. HELP
Re:need advice lookin4alite: without being just harsh, but that is what I do here. Do you really wanna be back with him? he lives with a youngin in her parents home. does he not make enough money to have an apartment where they can live as "adults". It seems not. Do yourself a HUGE favor. Forgettabout'em. Move on and discover yourself and you will find a man who cares about you not just himself. you deserve better, he will do your family no service in the long run if this is what he is doing in the short run.
Re:need advice Kinney26: It is obviously very selfish. He want to have his cake and eat it too. He is telling you that he cares about you, but just you is not good enough for him. In reality, he isn't good enough for you. If he did this once do you really think it will be the last time. I guess the question is, Will you ever be able to fully trust him again. If you feel like you always have to be looking over your shoulder, do you really want to live that way. I know it is a very tough situation, but these are the things you really need to take a long, hard look at.
Re:need advice ChristyM: My ex did something similar, minus the moving in with the OW. He kept waffling about what he wanted -- we even continued to go out on dates and have awesome sex while we were separated. I just got to the point I didn't want someone that couldn't make up his mind if he wanted to be with me. I deserved better.
I finally told him I was proceeding with the divorce. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but if I hadn't made the decision, I seriously think we'd still be in the same situation -- me waiting around for someone to figure out how much they loved me. No dice. I want to be with someone that looks forward to coming home at the end of the day, daydreams about me while he's at work, calls me at odd times just b/c he's thinking about me, can't wait to talk to me when he's been having a hard day. But most of all, I want to be with someone that I can lay with in bed whispering and giggling like kids about our hopes and dreams and all the things we are going to do together the rest of our lives.
That person wasn't my ex -- not even close.
Christy
Re:need advice JTS: My ex left for OM and moved out just over a year and a half ago. After a week he went back to his wife and 3 kids and she came back asking for a second chance. I was in the same position you were and turned my life upside down to do all of the things that she said I wasn't doing for her before. Needless to say 2 months later she tried to get back with OM but he didn't want anything to do with her at this point. During the entire time she continued to tell me that I was doing everything that she had always needed and wanted and she loved me and wanted it to work. I continued with counselling through the summer and fall even though she quit after the 3rd appointment. Everything seemed to be improving until Sweetest Day last year when she met her next and current boyfriend.
Kin is correct. The trust has been damaged if not broken and living in a marriage without trust was pure hell for me. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. He told you he didn't want you to give up on him yet he then left you to go home to her???
Probably not the answer you were looking for but I can only relay my experience. Couselling did help along with a lot of research and reading I did on relationships. I eventually was able to look inside myself to find what was going to make me happy and be best for me. That is when I realized that she wasn't good for me and I deserved better. I took all of the advice I received and did what I thought was best for myself and that is what you need to do too. Look deep within yourself and then decide. My thoughts will be with you.
:)
