New!! katie581: Please don't hate me... but I've never been married. But, I was engaged and with him for almost five years.
It's a long and complicated story! I'm 23, I met him right before senior year of high school and though we never married (we bought our wedding rings and I bought my gown) I felt like it was a divorce in the end. My world was lost. I seen us falling apart, but believed we'd make it through like all the other times.
I haven't talked to a friend of mine, in a year, and when I told her the story... she tried to give me advice. I'm sorry but when you lived with a person for nearly three years, you're relationship isn't really equal to one where both people still live with their parents. Maybe that's just my opinion.
So here goes the complicated matter... My ex-fiance and I have become better friends than we've ever been (we used to fight weekly, sometimes daily). We broke up for the final time, this past March (he says February... that's when he met his girlfriend, now ex). We'll get into that in a minute.
I moved in with his sister up until July of this year, than he offered me a room in his new residence. So I became his roommate. At first feelings got in the way, but then I forced myself to move on. I told myself, that after all the break ups before, this time won't work either. I believed it and I now know it's true.
Before we split, he met some girl online. Then he met her in public. We got into a huge argument on the year date of our last big break-up argument. We (well mainly me) tried to work things out but he broke promises and just gave up. The night he ignored my calls, I went searching and found him sitting in a car (which I recognized the license plate, it was her user name online). That night they rented a hotel room....
So anyways, things are going better now. I'm still his roommate and I just don't give a damn now. He hurt me so much in the end, that I've pushed it so far back in my mind that now I don't even make note that we once dated.
I'm dating though. A divorced 27 year old, raising two sons. He's the sweetest guy I've ever met... but I also know not to let my guard down this time. So I'm just enjoying the fun times. I'm not looking for a husband, if I find one in him, that's fine... but I have no "I have to get married" feelings anymore.
So moving on... I'm having a hard time, trying to past my ex and my mom's negative comments about me not being able to live on my own. I know my job won't support me, but I have some money saved and it's better than nothing. I'm sick of hearing how I won't be able to survive. I can't go back to my mom, I've got issues with her & my past and I just can't go back to them. My ex even made a negative comment when I first started dating this guy (whom is the second guy since the break up, the first guy was one sided), he said that this guy was just using me for sex. It hurt, but I figured if that's the cause, why can't I use the guy too. But this guy is different... and my ex can't see that and it doesn't matter. My ex doesn't understand that it's too soon to meet his kids and his family for that much. It hasn't even been two months yet (it feels longer though) but I'm not rushing. I'm happy the way things are going. It keeps me grounded, so I watch my back. Don't want to fall in love again and get hurt!!
Re:New!! Tessa: Welcome Katie,
First of all don't worry we won't hate you because you were never married.
Second of all living together relationships can be very intense.
I am sorry that you had to go through this pain. It sounds like you are doing better now. That is good. :)
As for living with your ex that has got to be wierd. Don't you have a friend that you could live with? If I were you I would get out of there. It is not a very good environment and makes getting over your ex completely, harder.
Maybe you could find a person looking for a roommate.
As for this new guy take things slowly. Especially, since he is divorced and has kids. If his divorce is fairly recent he is probably still dealing with some pain himself.
Take things slow and be careful.
Take care and good luck.
Re:New!! katie581: Well noted. It's funny, but my ex is just a stepping stone (rent free place) to get me on my feet. As for the pain and the moving on process... it's done. I've been dealing with pain all my life, I just push it back in my mind and go forward (the same with our past fights; pretend they didn't occur). I'm moving out at the end of October, if not sooner. It's not really weird living with my ex, we're friends, they way we used to be before we first lived together. Oh, and this new guy, he's been divorced for almost three years... but taking things slow is best regardless. Thanks!
*As for finding a friend to live with, they're still living with their parents and can't afford to move out (new cars and all).
