New stage, new pain tazme: Well I saw my STBX yesterday & today for the first time in a long time in "public". His family helps w/a car show every year & I have always helped. His parents still wanted me to help this year.
I know that some of the people in the car show know about us divorcing. I think he even took OW to a meeting about the car show. One of the members already asked my father in law about how I was doing - I've gotten to know some of them through the years.
Well yesterday we didn't even acknowlege each other. I basically hung out w/his mother the whole time. Today (actual date of car show) he didn't acknowledge me. He looked like H#LL!! He wore a long sleeve blue denim shirt w/3 buttons undone w/his chest hair sticking out. He had on the GAUDY necklace that OW gave him (his sister said it looked like a dog chain). He wore khacki shorts w/white socks & black loafers. He hasn't had a haircut or beard trim in about 2-3 months. HE LOOKED ROUGH!!! His mother, sister & her husband & nephews all said the same thing.
I was actually glad to see him this way. It makes me realize that he is NOT the man I married 7 yrs ago. I look at him and feel nothing but disgust & contempt. I don't think I even love him anymore, maybe just care a little. SO WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY???
Last night I went out & was terrified I was going to run into them. Harley's Open House is this weekend & they both have bikes. Every bike I saw, I caught myself looking to see if it was them - I didn't even do it consciencously! I ran into a couple of stores, again, terrified they might be in there.
Today, he didn't even acknowlege me & basically ignored his family most of the day. His nephews (age 13 & 14) didn't even want to talk to him. They saw he picked up smoking again (they were to little to remember that he used to do it) & were disgusted by it. I kept telling them that they have to be nice to him - his is still their uncle. His mother & sister both said he is throwing his life away for this OW.
I DO NOT want him back, but the pain is back. I know that it is partly because I am moving out of the house this week. I look around - most of the house is packed up - & think of when we bought the house just last year!! All our dreams, our plans & now not even a year later, we are divorcing & he is moving this woman in THE SECOND I AM OUT!!!!
I am SOOO angry at the lack of respect he has for me and our 8 yrs together. Her soda has been in my fridge for 4 months. He just brought pies home that she ordered & have her name on them. DON'T I DESERVE SOME RESPECT, DOESN'T OUR MARRIAGE????? :'(
I am sitting here crying, not because I want to work this out - way too much has happened at this point - but because I feel like the 8 yrs we spent together means NOTHING to him. This is the man who SWORE he would never do this to me. I had a past relationship where ex-bf would always cheat. STBX always called him an @ss & swore that he would never do it.
This is NOT how my life was suppose to be. I put so much trust into him that I really don't think I can trust anyone like that again. I have never really had good self esteem & now there are times that I feel I don't have any at all. How do I pick up the pieces from this & recover?
I have been so excited about moving & I still am, but there are times that I just don't know if I can do it. He has rocked me to my core & I just don't know how I am suppose to move on from this. :'(
Re:New stage, new pain seth: My ex left after seven years--you'd think that that time meant something.
On the upside, sounds like a really classy guy left you! Good riddance, right? ;)
Re:New stage, new pain sadinct: I'm so sorry for your pain. Be strong and know that you are a good person who deserves the treatment you show to others. The fact that his family has chosen your side instead of his also speaks volumes about you. Moving will be painfull, but in reading the posts of the others here, it will become more bearable and that while both you and your life will change, you will be better for it. You can do it, and in the long run, you'll be better for it even if you don't think so right now. He does not deserve you and someday he will regret his poor treatment of you.
He's moving the OW in right away?? WTF??? Here's a suggestion on the more lighthearted side... a parting shot for both of them.. There's a commercial on tv with a woman feverishly scrubbing the toilet. At the end of the comercial, she drops her husbands toothbrush back in the toothbrush holder... you get the idea.
Please be strong. You can do this and you'll be better for it.
Doug
Re:New stage, new pain seth: I agree. It's wonderful that your in-laws are supporting you as they are. Good family values, I think.... There's loyalty.
Re:New stage, new pain amess: Give it some time. His treating the marriage like it was worthless is so painful, it makes you feel like you are worthless. Please try not to confuse the two, but I know that is very difficult. It's normal to feel that way, for a time. However, you cannot let anyone else be the source of your self esteem. You get it back by going on and building a life with ppl who support and admire you. Therapy doesn't hurt, either. Talking about your feelings will go a long way in helping you to recover. Stay strong, you'll be ok.
