Re: The Stigma of Multiple Failed Marriages

Re: The Stigma of Multiple Failed Marriages superwife: [quote author=Snkpack link=topic=45475.msg532997#msg532997 date=1181942218">
when I've dated and a guy tells me he's been divorced twice my first thought is "What's wrong with him?"  I'm not proud of it, but its what I do. 
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Well, now you guys know why it has been difficult for me to 'spill my guts' when entering a new relationship.  Especially when i have heard my bf talk about this one, who has been married twice, or that one, who was married three times.  Not necessarily in a negative light, but it needed to be mentioned.  But now he knows.  If he had known this on the forst date, or even within the first month, I'm sure we would not be together right now. 

Obviously I have wondered this about myself.  There's no way it could have been both of them and not me, right?  Now, I've decided to stop worrying about it.  My best friend, just last night, reminded me of her opinion of my first one.... "It didn't even count" :D.  Ahh, if it were only that simple.  In the eyes of the law, it did count. 

My man and I love the show Friends.  After I finally came clean, a few days later, he said to me: "So, you're like Ross!!"  When I was trying to find a way to break it to him, I was going to use that as a clue.

And for the record, One of Ross' really didn't count (the one with Rachel, IMO).  And, it's not his fault his first wife was really a lesbian :-\

[quote author=Alphie link=topic=45475.msg532998#msg532998 date=1181942292">
I feel this bias all the time and that's fine - I pretty much expect it. It used to bother me, but not so much anymore. The only time it irritates me is when someone has lived with a whole lot of people and that 'isn't the same' as marriage. I hear the line all the time that marriage is 'just a piece of paper', but it doesn't apply in this situation. I can be married twice and some people will consider that a red flag and those same people won't bat an eye at someone who has lived with four or five different people. That part seems hypocritical to me.
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Yeah, that is a bit hypocritical. 
Re: The Stigma of Multiple Failed Marriages Alphabet Girl: I feel this bias all the time and that's fine - I pretty much expect it. It used to bother me, but not so much anymore. The only time it irritates me is when someone has lived with a whole lot of people and that 'isn't the same' as marriage. I hear the line all the time that marriage is 'just a piece of paper', but it doesn't apply in this situation. I can be married twice and some people will consider that a red flag and those same people won't bat an eye at someone who has lived with four or five different people. That part seems hypocritical to me.
 Re: The Stigma of Multiple Failed Marriages snkpack: [quote author=Lumpy link=topic=45475.msg532994#msg532994 date=1181941887">
  The more I think about it, I'm not sure it's a fair criticism. Who knows what may have occurred in an individuals' marriage that caused it to fail? I guess the only thing I can add is that I couldn't see doing it a third time after failing twice.
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I totally agree that its not a fair bias at all, but when I've dated and a guy tells me he's been divorced twice my first thought is "What's wrong with him?"  I'm not proud of it, but its what I do. 
 The Stigma of Multiple Failed Marriages snkpack: Quite a while ago, our former resident badboy Batman posted about the bias that society holds against singles - particularly divorced singles. 

I can't say that I've really been too aware of any bias against me based on the fact that I'm divorced, although I do feel society's trend to spurn single fabulosity for couplehood as if the former is so much less desirable a lifestyle.  The whole "no wonder she can't get a man" attitude is everywhere.  Well in truth I'm fairly confident I can get a man.  But I want "the man", the one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with regardless of whether marriage is in the cards or not.

And as much as I detest this societal prejudice, I find myself prone to it too.  Yet my bias doesn't really manifest itself until I hear that someone's been in two or more failed marriages.  Then my eyebrow lifts and I find myself thinking not so charitable thoughts about what must be wrong with someone to marry and divorce twice even though I'm perfectly aware it could happen to me too.


 Re: The Stigma of Multiple Failed Marriages Lumpy:   The more I think about it, I'm not sure it's a fair criticism. Who knows what may have occurred in an individuals' marriage that caused it to fail? I guess the only thing I can add is that I couldn't see doing it a third time after failing twice.
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