Hi- new to the board...here is my story Enoughbs: Hi,
I just found this site on the web and after reading some posts and replies, it looks like a very nice place to start.
Here’s my story:
My husband I have known each other for nine years, married for seven. We have two beautiful young children, a nice house in a great community and I don’t have to work. With all that I have, I don’t have the right to be unhappy, do I?
My husband is not a bad person. He’s very mild mannered. It takes a lot for him to start yelling. He doesn’t drink, do drugs, gamble or spend money. Why am I unhappy?
He doesn’t communicate. Up until a couple months ago, he can come home from work and not speak to me for the whole evening. After fighting about this (and other things), he’s been trying to talk to me about work, his staff, his boss, etc., and even about the darn weather. But I have so much resentment built up over these years of not communicating, that every word that comes out of his mouth sounds so rehearsed and fake that it doesn’t do anything for me.
Besides the not communicating, I’m just fed up. I do everything around here. I do all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the bill paying, and anytime the house needs repairs, I have to make the call or I do it myself. My husband is not handyman. I’m actually handier than he is! Basically, all my husband does is provide a paycheck. Is that all there is to a marriage? What am I doing wrong? I don’t even know if I love him. I can’t even tell you when the last time we kissed was.
I can’t talk to any of my friends about this and my parents side with him. They said that if I leave, I won’t be able to find another mate, especially since I have two young ones.
Sorry for the long message. Just needed to place to write down my feelings and perhaps get some feedback.
Thanks for reading. :-\
Re:Hi- new to the board...here is my story althebrokenman: Hello enoughbs
I think you two need to sit down and get really serious about what each of you want with your relationship. I strongly recommend you go see a counsellor because as it stands now, there is no way your relationship will survive.
Good luck
Re:Hi- new to the board...here is my story MadorSad: Look into counseling you are at the point of no harm done you have seen the problem and it looks like he has the idea too. Check out some books on line some of them are just for men or women and couples if you can get comunication started it will help. I hope you do not give up my W did and I regret pushing her to that point. Sounds to me like you have hope. I was a paycheck husband and I have worked on not doing that any more it took this to open my eyes hope yours in not thick headed as I was.
Best of luck
MadorSad
Re:Hi- new to the board...here is my story Shanna: You can definately still make it work if he is willing to change an start talking (which was your complaint) then he wants to make it work. Are you sure there isn't something else bothering you? How old is your youngest child...sure it isn't PPD (post pardom)? I had PPD and I thought I hated my husband I thought it was all him and it was reallly me. Maybe you need to seek indiviual and marriage counseling. Please don't give up too soon.
Re:Hi- new to the board...here is my story seth: I don't believe for one minute that women are "better communicators" than men, but sometimes they have different levels of needs for communication.
For example, my ex told me that I wasn't meeting her "emotional needs." That really surprised me b/c I thought it was really great how we could spend an hour or so in adjacent rooms not speaking to each other, just doing our own projects and checking in with each other once in a while. To me it was heaven but I guess she used that as an excuse.
It's funny how perspectives can be so different. I thought it was the mark of truly close people to spend time together w/o feeling the need to make small talk like strangers on airplane..... I thought that was true intimacy, not talking about some annoying coworker or whatever inane thing she wanted to discuss.....
I was totally shocked when she told me that one. As a matter of fact, I wanted to spend more time w/ her now that I had my weekends free after finishing school.... Right before she left, I told her I was renting some DVDs so we could spend the night cuddling and the next morning we could read the Sunday paper together. She told me to get the movies while she went to her "girlfriend's" house for something.
She said she'd bring the dog and leave him there but I was like why? Just leave the dog w/ me, we'll keep each other company. He's my dog too....
She came back later, told me she was leaving, and leashed the dog up. Made no mention of the money she owed me and ultimately screwed me out of it.
I'm repeating my story again and again. Sorry. Hope it helps.
