Why do I still care? Steph1973: He's been gone for 3 months; we've been divorced for over a month. Why do I still care about him? Why do I worry about him? He hasn't called me in over a week and I am worried about him. It's all I can do just to keep myself from calling him. I am so weak!
I know my life is better without him in it but I can't seem to keep myself from thinking about him. I feel like a fool. After everything that he has done to me, I still care? What kind of messed up crap is that? I just don't know how to make it stop. I want to call him so badly but I know that I will only end up finding out stuff that will - A. Make me worry even more or B. Make me wish I hadn't called him in the first place. I don't want him back but I do want him to be okay. Ugh, I hate feeling like this. Is there any way to make it stop?
Re:Why do I still care? LettinGo: Steph,
My STBX is a complete ass but I still care for some stupid reason. He has totally destroyed my and my children's lives, acts irrational and is a selfish mess, but I still worry about him as if he is my child. He's a grown man, but acts like he can't take care of himself which is why I am always worrying.
I suppose one day the worrying/caring will stop ... I don't know when though. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in this.
Try not to call him. I know it is hard, but you already know that you will end up regretting it if you do.
Hugs, Kelly
Re:Why do I still care? pauly: I think it says something about an individual if they still care.
Steph and LettinGo you must be 2 very admirable people
Re:Why do I still care? Samanthain: I agree with Pauly. I think the fact that we still care about our exes is what true love is supposed to be - unconditional love. It's definitely the most painful route. It would be so much easier on me if I could just call my ex a few choice names and hate him.
It will probably never mean anything to our exes that we care but hopefully it reflects well to the people around us who know and care about us.
I know how much it hurts and certainly understand those desires to call and feeling weak when I give in.
Just try to remember when those feelings hit that he usually makes you feel worse when you do call. I think we call hoping for something that just isn't reality anymore. We hope against all hope that they'll treat us kindly and caring in return and I wish like anything I could just cast a magic spell and make that happen for us but I can't. I guess that's all I want - I don't want him back but I want to feel like if a truck hit me today he'd give a darn.
Re:Why do I still care? Steph1973: Thanks everyone. It's good to know I'm not the only one who has these feelings. OJAR has been such a Godsend over the past few months. I don't know where I would be without it.
Well, I didn't end up calling him. But he called me. Weird. Anyway, he wants me to write a letter for him to send to the DOL appealing a decision on his unemployment. His reasoning behind wanting me to write it is that I "know how to word things like that" and OW doesn't. He really sounds like he has just lost his last friend. They are $400 short on their rent that is due on Friday or they'll be out on the road. He's also not enjoying the fact that he is the major caregiver for her kids now. I hurts me so much that his life is in such turmoil but I try to remember that he is the one that got himself into this situation in the first place.
If I was a real b*&ch, then maybe I would rub it in his face but I just can't. I can't even find it in me to hate him. It would be so much easier if I could. He told me again yesterday that he has been attending AA meetings regularly since the drama a couple of weeks ago. I hope, for his sake, that he stays off the alcohol. I even found myself daydreaming about taking him back. I know that I shouldn't think those kind of things because I know I could never trust him again but I can't seem to help myself. I wish that I didn't worry about him so much. I need an on/off switch for my heart.
