Clearing the air. admin: I don't often play the role referee but the last few days has brought out some very strong views and there is the beginning of a disturbing trend which I want to stop immediately!
In particular, when you joined the site and began posting you agreed to abide by the site terms of service which included, not to "threaten, [or"> embarrass anyone" or to write content "that is harmful, abusive, racially offensive, discriminatory".
This means,
1. if you disagree with someone you will disagree with their idea NOT attack and abuse them.
2. judge others without knowing ALL the facts.
In any community there will always be things you disagree with.
You can't discriminate when it comes to people looking for support but you can avoid them or, you can choose not to support them (with silence!).
Attacking them is not acceptable.
Unless you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes don't pretend to know why they did anything!
There are plenty of former wives and husbands that fled their marriage for all kinds of reasons. There are also plenty of former wives and husbands that have no idea that their actions or lack of actions helped contribute to the end of their marriage even if it was in making a poor choice in marriage partner (ignoring "red flags").
In short, argue your perspective without attacking the person or find another site that is full of bitter people that will never get healthy.
You have a choice, don't make me make it for you.
-- Michael.
Re:Clearing the air. picadilly: Cheers Michael. I bow before your wisdom. :)
Re:Clearing the air. Dazed: Dear Ojar friends,
I just wanted you all to know that I have taken a stand that will probably result in my inability to post here again. This is unfortunate, but as I wrote in my PM to Michael, I will not (perhaps foolishly) shut up for fear that I may offend others with the vehemence of my expression. I respectfully, albeit regretfully, rescind my membership and wish you all the best and continued progress towards health and happiness.
Truly,
Dazed
***************
Michael,
Although I appreciate the kind of environment that you are pursuing with this website, and I respect your right to govern it as you see fit, I cannot (and perhaps have not) adhere to your terms. I do not believe that I crossed the line today, but I also find the censorship of the truth (even when it offends or hurts) frightening. To essentially "gag" those who are merely expressing their opinions is, I believe, detrimental to the spirit of a neutral forum. I cannot, and will not, stand by and allow those that I believe are being cruel and destructive to "pass through" unapproached. I'm sorry if this does not qualify me to continue as a member of this community, but I stand by my values and principles and will not apologize for the strength or method of my expression.
Thank you for creating this forum and providing me the opportunity to meet some very dear and, I'm sure, lifelong friends. I will accept and respect your decision to ban me from your site and wish you continued success.
Respectfully yours,
Dazed
Re:Clearing the air. admin: Dazed,
I regret and respect your choice. I do hope and trust you will find an appropriate forum.
I am not gagging "opinions", I am however gagging "attacks" on people.
There are plenty of sites filled with venom and anger towards, women, men, lawyers, judges, psychologists, the media, culture, society, child support and just about any other issue you can imagine.
What these sites all have in common is that they see themselves as "victims" and as a result take years to recover, just watch and see!
I believe that posters on OJar have a combined commitment to overcoming their "victim" status and choose to become better people through learning and understanding.
No one learns by being attacked. No one teaches by attacking. I guess that's the fundamental difference between OJar and other sites.
Warm wishes,
Michael.
Re:Clearing the air. brokenman: Michael, I would really like to see different sections on the forums for "leavers" and "those left" or something to that effect (since the area of concern seems to be adultery not just who left). Since this is a divorce support website you are going to get both sides coming here. I know you want to refrain from segmenting the discussion, but it is apparent that this is an area where there is a natural divide which raises hostility. Perhaps the forums should reflect it.
