bored fast clambakesX: I've seen a couple of references to getting bored quickly ... (Spectrum, Christy?) ... and would like to hear more about what you mean when you say this, what your experiences have been, why you think this happens and so on.
Let's say that the boredom is a healthy mechanism for sorting out people that aren't compatible. I'm assuming that none of us is looking for "ongoing excitement" in the form of a criminal boyfriend.
The problem I have with getting bored so quickly is my impatience. I don't feel like investing the time and energy for two weeks (even if it's only a first contact and a date and maybe a few calls), only to ascertain once again that guy number whatever is a dozer just like so many before him. I would like to find someone who I would find increasingly interesting over a period of time. And I would like to meet that person **this weekend**!
For a few months I seemed to be cycling different guys through, not investing much time or energy, just seeing who showed up and how they acted. That was efficient, but even that feels like too much work. I don't *have* to have any guy at all, but if there are so many around, I have the feeling I should at least survey the available resources. (And no, I'm no beauty queen or anything, nor do I wish to be entertained all the time.)
Another thing - what is WITH guys who call "just to say hi and see how you're doing"?! I generally end such calls VERY quickly, but perhaps I should buy a book of crosswords and keep it by the phone.
What solutions have you all tried?
Re:bored fast ChristyM: I'll be busy at work today so figured I'd better answer this now ...
I'm finding the way I am now is the same as before I met my ex. I will be initially attracted to a guy and we will go out on dates. I might even feel what I think are strong feelings for him within the first couple of dates, but after that, the feelings start to decrease. The guy is great, has all these good points, is good looking, etc., but I just can't muster up the energy to keep up the relationship. It isn't about sex either as I am not that type of a person so that doesn't factor into the equation that early for me.
I know some say, "well, this just shows you aren't ready to date yet since your divorce", but remember, I was this way back in my single days (college & early 20s). For awhile when I was younger I actually started worrying I was never going to find "the one" since nobody was working out. But that ended up not being true as I had a serious boyfriend in high school and then of course ended up meeting, dating, falling in love and marrying my ex. I did the same thing to my ex though ... we dated for a couple weeks and then I broke it off. He backed off for awhile & after a couple weeks of not seeing him, I realized I was attracted to him more than I thought and we got back together and were together for 15 years.
I've thought about this a lot and have the same feelings as you Medusa (and I know Spec well enough she will also) that it's gotten to the point I don't even want to put forth the effort. I get asked out but just figure it isn't worth the two week investment and not really fair to the guy. I do want to find the guy that makes my attraction increase and not decrease. I know he's out there and the only way to encounter him is to just stay in the game and keep plugging along. But, part of me also wonders if I'm scared to find that guy -- the one that makes me want to give up all my rules (to quote Jason) because that makes me vulnerable. I'm just not sure. I just know that when it reaches a certain point and I can tell they are hooked then it loses interest for me because that always seems to be when they start calling more, wanting to be together more, they get clingy and I hate that. I don't want to be with them 24/7 -- at least not at that point.
In the meantime, I try not to "date" so much and just hang with people so I can allow more friendships to develop first. Not sure if this will solve the problem, but I keep plugging away ...
Christy
Re:bored fast Spectrum: Oh yeah, that dreaded, "Get to own me".....
On my final date with the Turkish engineer, he asked me what kinds of things I like to cook. So I started talking about some of them, and at some point as I was talking I realized this guy was sitting there thinking about eating all the stuff I was going to cook for him..... Can you say, UGH?!?!?!?
I mean, I LOVE to cook, and I REALLY love to cook for someone else. But to have the guy sitting there practically saying, "Yummy, yummy!" and assuming I'm going to be cooking for him turned me off in a very major way.
Oh yeah, that and his question, "Didn't your father ever wish he had a son?"..... but that's an entirely different ballgame!
But back to the thread. Yes, I get bored. And yes, I feel really unenthusiastic about jumping back in after each failed sortee. But after a couple weeks I start to feel motivated again and I head back to match.com for some more WWF Dating Smackdown!
Hehehe.....
Spectrum.
Re:bored fast amess: I don't know about anyone's pre-marriage dating experinces, but I know I had to go through a lot of turkeys, relationships, breakups, etc. before I found one I wanted to marry. Well, we all know how that turned out. After a while, I began to see that I had to start LIKING men again. Just liking them and appreciating what they had to give, as a gender ( not just sex, mind you). Too much cynicism will ruin anything. I think one needs to give someone a chance, and if they are not for you, end it in a nice manner, instead of putting up with it until you start to resent it. Also, do talk about yourself, but not excessively. Men do want to get to know you, too.
Re:bored fast marfanoidus: CRAP!!!!!
You mean all this time when I ask women what their favorite foods are and if they like to cook was time spent turning them off from me???? Man, I was looking forward to cooking together.
Why is it the harder I try, the more complete I fail???
boohoo - poor me. whaaaaahhhH!!!!!
'If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all' - source unknown.
