Move to Calgary? 2brix: Hi folks
Well my life sucks right now. I found out that according to my doctor better living with chemestry is the way things will have to go for the next I don't know. That's not really the reason I am posting though. I have had an offer put infront of me that is creating a head vs heart problem.
First off here is the situation. My 9 year old son and I are now living with my parents. Mr M is in a school I would have sold my soul for when I was his age. He also appears to be settling into the town we now live in. By all appearances he seems to be starting the healing process. Something I can only thank heaven for as I worry about him 24/7.
I have two older kids who live with their mother from a prior marrage. All they have ever known is the life of children living in two different homes. They accepted my last relationship as one that was going to last for good but even at that they appear to be healing very quickly and accepting what has happened. In fact I would say that my daughter has been more than ok with what has happened. Both of theses kids are in their teens she is 14 and he is 17.
Here is where the problem begins. I have been offered a place to stay and start over again in Calgary. The place that would be set up would have room enough for me and Mr. M and we would be in a safe environment. My friend has said she would help with taking care of Mr. M and I have other friends down there that could be called upon to assist with the needs of a 9 year old. I really don't have any reason to stay in this city as I am abivalent about my job and I really don't have any place to call my own. Going back to the thread that was made up about wandering I found myself wandering the city and could not find the comfort of even the streets I once called home. After I found out that she had gotten herself knocked up I gave up any hope of ever reconcilling with her and even if she did want back into my life I could not see opening my heart back up to her. To be quite frank I really don't think I ever want to see her again. The thought of moving to a different city scares the h@ll out of me but I can see the chance of starting out new. I don't want to hurt Mr. M by picking up his life and moving it on him. The distance is not so great that he wouldn't be able to be driven up to Edmonton to visit with his mom every other week, about 4 hours south. I want the company of another adult other than my Mom and Dad and my friend could provide adult conversations for me to engage in. I don't know what to do. Am I just running away from whats here and just prolonging how long this will take to get over this marrage. Man all I want is some opinions that aren't moms worried about her little boys. Thank you for reading and if you have any thoughts I would really appreciate the input.
Re:Move to Calgary? lifechange: Hey 2brix,
Very difficult situation and I feel for you! On one hand I would say your son will adjust because you seem like you will be happier - and if you're happier he will be. On the other hand, he has faced many changes lately and is a move too much at this point?
I am in the same situation. Someone has offered to move me away from this house to a new one in the suburbs. Part of me wants to jump at the opportunity - I can't stand seeing everything that belongs to the stbx in my house. But I also don't want to move my kids away from what they know.
I think it really depends on how you think your son will react. Have you talked to him about it? My daughter is 9 also. I would ask him how he feels about it and try to discuss it with him. Either way, let me know how you make out and Good Luck :D
lc
Re:Move to Calgary? Angel Eyes: It might sound cheesy, but maybe writing a list of pros and cons might not be a bad idea! Also, talking to your son is a great way to get his opinion, making sure he knows there are always more friends to be made, no matter where he goes! Moving will be scary for him too, but if he knows you're there to be with him, and help him through any difficulties he might have, might be consulation enough and it might be cool for him to go on this "new adventure"! He might be a child, but his input is important! Just my thoughts!
Re:Move to Calgary? 2brix: Thank you for your opinions. No I have not discussed this with Mr. M yet as I don't want her to find out about this until I have everything in place. I have written out a list of pros and cons and that is where I have hit the road block. The list of pros goes all for me and the cons seem to be all against my kids. Ms. M my daughter and Mr. A my son are ok with riding the greyhound but still that is one long trip to take just to see dad. Mr. M would have to give up his great new school and the program that he is in. I know this may sound like the woe is me bit but I just don't want him to suffer because of my wanting to escape this city and the wanting to be a coward and never having to lay eyes on her again. Crazy as this sounds I even planned out that after Mr. M is over the age of majority I was going to sign up for volunteer overseas work, she definately would never be a fixture in my life if I was in Haiti. Even though this is a rant I so want my s2bxs green pastures to rot. Never in my life have I ever wanted to escape so bad but feel that would hurt my children so much. I feel awful that I want to run away to a different city but it would cause harm to my childs education.
a different spin on this down south xhubbie: "My friend has said she would help with taking care of Mr. M and I have other friends down there that could be called upon to assist with the needs of a 9 year old."
#1 Are you sure that you're ready for a friend? Only you can answer that. Are you over the ex enough to be able to offer something in exchange.
#2 Is your son ready for this "friend"? I know your ex has somebody else, but 2 wrongs don't make a right.
Make sure that both of you are ready not only for this move, but also for the new friend.
Here is some helpful advice that one of those self help gurus teaches and it's good advice.
When you are making a change, make sure that you are not just running away from something. Make sure that what you are running toward is really a better opportunity.
Some people just want to run away. I know I've done that in the past and I know that I'm not alone.
On the other hand, a new move might be just what the doctor ordered for you.
You really need to sit down and talk with your son about it. Find out his concerns about the situation. For example, how often does he see his mom right now? How often will he see her when you move away?
