A (long) story with hope bloke: Someone in another message asked if there were any stories with happy endings to give them hope. Well, the jury's still out on my own marriage but I do have a story for you.
When i was 11, nearly 12, I thought the world was perfect and warm and secure. One day i was going through my dad's coat pocket looking for his keys or something and I found a letter in his pocket. In my innocence I read it. It was from my mum's best friend - her only real friend - talking about how she missed my dad and couldn't wait for them to be together again. She had recently seperated from her husband and my dad had been helping her to fix up the tiny house she had moved into. I showed the letter to my brother who's a few years older than me, and we both knew what it meant.
Very soon after that time my mum found out too. My memories are still very vivid of my brother and me sitting at the top of the stairs sobbing just out of sight while my mum and dad shouted at each other downstairs for what seemed like months. One time she hit him in the head with the phone and I can hear him now shouting "you stupid cow you could have killed me" I remember wishing she had. I hated my dad for what he had done, and barely spoke to him for years after that even though I was only 12. The thing is, before that time I don't think I had ever even heard them argue. Certainly they never cursed or anything, and then my dad just completely changed. He used to swear for no reason and I remember thinking it sounded so wrong coming out of his mouth. I also remember hearing the absolute heartbreak in my mums voice - like she just couldn't believe he would do this to her. Well, they argued on and off for a while but one day i walked into my mums room to find her packing and she told me that she & I were leaving and my brother was staying with my dad. I was devastated. That night I wrote a note and took a bunch of pills. Fortunately my brother came into my room and found me on the floor and made be sick over and over again into a bucket. He said to me "they can ruin their lives but don't let them ruin yours" We've never spoken about that night again since, and he moved a long way away from our home a couple of years later and has lived there ever since. We never told my mum and dad and the next day me and mum left.
There's more ...
Re:A (long) story with hope bloke: My mum and dad talked over the next couple of days and my mum and I came back, and she never left again. I remember the shocking arguments and anger and pain very clearly but I don't really remember what happened next. I know that after about six months my mum went into my brother's room late one night and woke him up and just said "things are going to be alright, we're going to work on it" She never spoke to me about it (which i have to be honest and say i rather resented her for, but I figure she'd been through enough)
The next couple of years are a blur - I completely went off the rails and started behaving pretty badly so I was oblivious to how they made it through that time, and I think they were too preoccupied with trying to fix their marriage to notice how badly it had affected me. Until a couple of years ago I had no more than a handful of memories of my childhood before that time, it was like my life started with all the trouble. I had lots of relationships but I always finished them because I was scared someone would hurt me like my dad had hurt my mum. However, when I was 27 I went to their house late one night and told them that I knew what had happened all those years earlier but that I had to forgive them because I wanted to get married and I couldn't while I was still so very angry about marriage. It was good to just spill it all out. Since that time of unburdening I have started to remember more of my childhood - but I held on to that pain and anger for a lot of years and in truth I still carry it to this day to some extent.
Meanwhile, my mum and dad worked on it. They went to classes together, and sometimes she would start crying in the middle of dinner because a sad song came on the radio or whatever, but basically it seems to me that she decided to forgive him and give him another chance and once she'd done that they just looked forward. In a couple of months they will have been married 50 years and we are planning a party for them. They are generally regarded by most people who know them as the strongest couple anyone could imagine - a real example of what a marriage should be like. They've even counselled lots of other couples whose marriages have gone through hard times. Of course most people don't know it nearly all came apart 25 years ago, but then maybe they don't need to. I would like to think the majority of those 50 years outshines the few bad years.
So that's my good news story with a BIG bump in the middle. Thing is - none of the remaining 25 years would have happened if she hadn't forgiven him and that would have been a real tragedy. I have no idea why I feel the need to share this lot with you today, but I hope it gives someone hope, or at least gives some perspective on what your kids might be feeling. I don't know - i just thought it might help someone somewhere.
Re:A (long) story with hope Shanna: That is a really great story...way to late for me...but I enjoyed it all the same .
THANKS
Shanna
Re:A (long) story with hope Kinney26: Great story , it made my eyes water up. I just think that these days a lot of people don't take marriage as seriously as they did 25 years ago. With no fault divorce it is so easy. People just don't want to work at things these days and it is sad. Nothing extraordinarily bad ever happened in my marriage and it will be over in a month. All because she just doesn't want to be married anymore and refuses to try.
Kin
Re:A (long) story with hope richmds: That truly was a nice story. Forgiveness is a powerful thing to do and accept.
Sometimes I feel people arent as willing to try anymore, its almost as if everything is disposable in our society these days along with marriage.
