Cheaters are insecure, irresponsible, ignorant ignoramuses
Cheaters are insecure, irresponsible, ignorant ignoramuses rhondam71: If a person leaves a relationship because they are no longer in love or feel the same way about a person, then to me, that's understandable. NOT easy, but if your feelings change and you do the next best thing and tell the person then there's little else to do in this case. So, why is it when the person cheats they tend to do so behind the others' back and, quite the opposite, prefer that the spouse NOT find out. Divorce is necessary. Cheating is not. I KNOW this is an age-old issue with no answers, but I am still trying to understand it. I know people cheat because the grass looks greener on the other side but they don't want to mess up what they have at home so they keep it a secret. However, what encourages the person to cheat in the first place?? ?Gee, tearing my spouse's heart out is just the order today" or "I'm bored, maybe seeing a new salami will do the trick". I am being sarcastic, but it is all very annoying.
Bottomline-- I wish I could have one wish. That wish would not be for world peace it would be for honest relationships. If I could wave my wand and ask that all people kept it honest. I think that many other problems would dissipate. Think of the movie "Liar Liar" where you could only tell the truth...interesting huh?
brokenman: You left out selfish. Personally, I think that fills the gap in your thinking. You made the mistake of assuming that a cheating even thinks about their spouse, even in an evil way. I think you have to go no further into a cheater's mind than the phrase, "Gee. This feels good." Whether it be physical or emotional they only look to what feels good for them. Thinking about a spouse would just cause guilt and guilt does not feel good.
One more thing to add to the list. Cheating/dishonesty is disrespectful...In my case, I'm also thinking that my stbx didn't have the integrity and strength to end our marriage in an honorable way. So, cheating was the bridge that got him out. I also think he felt safe because he had someone else to turn to, so he didn't actually have to leave to be on his own...
I agree w/ BM. They aren't thinking about their spouse when they cheat, only about themselves...
I second your wish for honest relationships!
I wish I could understand where people are coming from when the do make up there mind and cheat on their spouse. I don't understand and it makes me very sick thinking about it. I have just been put through hell from my husband(ex) read my story if you want to know the whole situation (My Life Just Fell Apart Tonight). Two nights ago my life did fall apart and now I have to get a divorce because I can't trust him anymore. Without trust you have nothing..!!! But everything else can be worked on in a marriage if you ask me. I wish I knew why people did that...but then again maybe I don't.
But I understand and agree with your post....it sucks when people who are suppose to love you the most betray you. :-[
richmds: Yes I agree its selfish, disrespectful, and worse of all very hurtful to others.
I always thought about this when in a relationship and thought if I would do this and my thoughts were always to end 1 relationship before starting the other out of respect for both parties. Plus who wants to deal with getting discovered, possible moments of insanity resulting from it, constant hiding and worrying, etc...
But I guess for some thats their way of living.