How bad is it...really? MissAnonymous: I know the financial situation changes drastically in our situation, but I want to know how bad it has gotten for you, especially the ones who kept the children.
My hubby has been using our current financial situation to try to scare me into staying with him. >:( I'm not stupid. I do know that we have bills:[list"> [*"> mortgage[*"> car loan[*"> suv loan[*"> student loan[*"> investments[*"> Best Buy account[*"> life insurance[*"> car insurance[*"> homeowner's insurance[*"> regime fees[*"> light bill, water bill, phone bill, etc...[*"> mortgage on other land we bought[*"> daycare for 2 kids[*"> school fees for oldest child (yes he's in public school)[*"> grocery[*"> clothes for the growing ones (I still save them to pass down. The baby is currently wearing jammies that once belonged to the 12 yr. old)[/list"> I recognize that some things would have to go once you divorce. I also recognize that I won't be responsible for ALL of those bills by myself. Although he has threatened to quit his job if I left him so that he wouldn't have to pay me anything. >:( How stupid is that?
We may have to sell the house because I cannot afford it on my salary alone. Would the bank let me buy him out and refinance it to me? That's an option.
He wants me to believe that I couldn't make it financially with out him. He makes 70K, I make 50K. 50K can support a single mother with 3 kids. I am not stupid.
What has been your experience with the money? Did you have a plan in advance? Do you have one now? Is it that bad? Are you juggling bills? Do you have a budget? Does it make sense? Any suggestions?
Re: How bad is it...really? ryg: MissA you can be my "pet" project. ;D
Over the years, I have talked with many friends (especially women who never care they are in the dark about what's gong on with the household finances) about managing their money and tackling the issues head on. I have always been the one to create the bugdet, manage the money, save the money, etc. My H was the one who put down the "magic" credit card that magically got paid somehow at the end of the month. Anyhow I digress.
So let's start with a few points:
[quote"> Although he has threatened to quit his job if I left him so that he wouldn't have to pay me anything[/quote">
THat is just a threat. He can do that but all it does is hurt himself. On your salary you can make it -- although you will have to face a lifestyle change. The other thing to note is in a divorce settlement, you would not be responsible for everything -- like the land you bought somewhere else. That can be his problem. Plus eventually the man will have to get a job to pay his own bills.
HOw is the current situation on how the money is handled? Do you guys have separate accounts or do you pool it all into one? Who pays the bills?
If you do not have your own account, then open one now and start saving some money. I believe it is imperative to get a nest egg going before leaving b/c you will encounter unexpected expenses.
From you list, it looks like you have a handle on the bills you guys have. Do you have some type of spending plan/budget? Do you know how much each bill is per month? If not, get informed.
I am not sure I understand this question:
[quote"> We may have to sell the house because I cannot afford it on my salary alone. Would the bank let me buy him out and refinance it to me? That's an option.
[/quote">
The scenario as I understand it would be that you buy him out -- meaning that you would give him something like half for part of the settlement? Am I understanding correct? I am not sure how this one would work as I was the only one on my mortgage so I didn't have to deal with that. My question here is can you afford the payment? If not, I would plan to move somewhere where you can.
AT this point, I would recommend you get informed on all the details. Make up a spreadsheet. Start looking at the hard numbers. Start looking at things that can be cut -- can you get a cheaper car? Do you need the best buy account? Do you have credit card debt? Is the life insurance coverage what you need? Can you raise the deductable on your car insurance so you can lower your costs?
And start looking in terms of what can be split in a divorce. Trust me you will not be responsible for everything you have listed. He will not be able to walk away and not have to pay for anything. It sounds like you will have to go the judge route and I assure you that it should be relatively fair. You will have some responsiblity and so will he. Don't let him tell you that you are just stupid and he knows everything. You are NOT. You can take control of your financial destiny. I promise. Stay strong.
Re: How bad is it...really? Sunny1971: Finances have been one of the biggest adjustments. My ex made more money than me and we always seemed to have extra to buy the things that we wanted and to always be able to buy new clothes and toys for our son. I have had to cut back on a lot of my monthly spending. I have cut my grocery bill in half by buying some generic items and clipping coupons. I have also cut back on my satellite bill by removing pay channels. It is really difficult with Christmas around the corner to know that it will not be like christmas' of the past. There will not be a huge stack of presents under the tree for my son. He will not care (or probably even notice) but I will. I am still going to try my best to make this a wonderful holiday for my son and I. Good luck!!
Re: How bad is it...really? MissAnonymous: Thanks for responding ryg.
Most of the points you've mentioned, I've already thought about. I know about the lifestyle change and it's not a problem for me. I've wanted to downsize for years. All of the big "stuff" we have is because of hubby. He's the one who has to have the best and biggest of material things. I don't mind letting him have everything and have me start from scratch.
And the land - He bought it without my knowledge and it's in his name solely. But SC is a community property state, so I do have rights to it. I don't want it though.
Currently we have one joint account. We both pay the bills. We do have a budget although we haven't adhered to it most of this year. We both know what the bills are and how much they are and when they're due. That's why it's easy for both of us to pay them. We do a pretty good job with that. Only once in our 13 year marriage have we messed up on both of us paying the bills. I paid my student loan one month and he also paid it - so it got paid 2x in one month.
All of the issues you brought up I've already considered and have started doing just that. Thanks again ryg. It's nice to know I'm going about it safe from another's perspective.
Now to the house. I cannot afford our mortgage on my salary alone. My question is can I buy the house from "us"? Both of our names are on the mortgage. If I bought the house at the value that's left on the mortgage and finance at that price, then I could afford it. I'm still not sure if I want to do that though. I need to think on that one some more.
Thanks again ryg. I know I can do it.
Re: How bad is it...really? ryg: Hi Miss A, it sounds like you are on the right track. As for your mortgage scenario question, I am not sure about that. I guess you would have to ask a loan officer or maybe check on line somewhere. Goood Luck
