im sorry. hope i didnt offend anyone
to my only defense, im a joker, and when sad, lost, feeling sorry, i resort to laughter. it makes it easier untill the scab comes off. if i atleast make someone laugh and forget their heartache for a minute, it makes me happier to know that maybe i took someones mind of their probllems.
im 1.5 months of NO contact other than 3 5 minute yell sessions. and its been since sept 30 she moved out. it gets easier and harder every day. i try to hold my head high, and i really think im in the process of loosing my frigin mind. i hate sleeping cause i have all violent dreams, and thats not me.... she has changed me, and im trying 10000% for my kids only. i just dont care. i have so much hatred for them both, and its not getting any better. its getting worse.
"you must get over your hatred" i know. i am trying. nightmares, thoughts, my head is spinning. i truely am glad for my kids, because i know i would go bit*h slap him and make him loose his teeth if it werent for them.
**to all the non violent people. i understand violence is not the answer. im avoiding it. i just hope for everyones sake that i am over this when i get custody of my kids. this truely is the absolute worst holiday/birthday year i have ever had. i hope the bit*h is proud...................
laughter is the best medicine. i need amo........
Re:im sorry. hope i didnt offend anyone in_search_of: HH
As another ojarian tells me all the time "F em if they can't take a joke"
I too am a joker, as is obvious around the boards most of the time.
"Laugh, even if its on credit"
Sometimes you have two choices, you laugh or you cry, and well, laughing beats crying all to hell for the most part. At least in my opinion.
Good luck in your personal journey to let go of the anger, and the bitterness, and the violence. Know that you are a wonderful person, and that she has truly lost out, however, if she would treat you like this, then she is not the person for you.
*Hugs* and laughter to you in the following days, weeks, months, and years.
Re:im sorry. hope i didnt offend anyone Kinney26: One of the things that always helped me on this board was the fun and joking. It is good to laugh. You get sick of crying and feeling like crap all the time. There is always going to be hurt and pain here so if you can laugh even for a second I think it is a great thing.
Re:im sorry. hope i didnt offend anyone jen: hh-
Laughter has been my friend, too, in the last 5 months. Without it I would have crumbled. It has been when I can laugh, even find angry jokes to make about the situation or sarcastic remarks, that I found a start to healing...it was the first, best way for me to start thinking about the sh!t that had become my life...
As for offending anyone, the songs and jokes have had disclaimers on them clearly announcing them as jokes, so don't be sorry...as ISO said, "F em if they can't take a joke"
If I had lost my sense of humor in this, I would truly be lost...a few funny/not so funny things I have said are (jokes are approximate - don't hold it against me if they aren't funny)...
* instead of calling it the divorce diet, I personnally called mine the devastation diet. Whenever anyone commented on my weight loss, I would say something snappy like, "all I needed was for my husband to have an affair and have my life completely f'in turned upside down. I highly recommend the devastation diet to anyone who needs to lose weight."
* Most recently, as in this weekend, when I was in a car accident, I started laughing uncontrollably when I realized the last time I got into an accident was a few months after I got married. So, "I've gotten into two major car accidents in my life, one to get married and the other to get divorced."
As far as the violent dreams, I can remember many sleepless nights at the beginning of this where I caused bodily harm to my stbxh and his OW....though I would never do it in real life, it helped to release some of the anger....it made for a horrible night's sleep...they stopped for me when I realized that I was giving my schmuck of a husband so much power in my life to affect everything in my life with my anger...I decided he wasn't worth losing sleep over or the energy it took to rage at him...for me I found a way to feel pity for him that he had become who he had because I realized that if I were to meet him now as who he is, he wouldn't get a second look...that made it much easier for me...when it comes to battles within, a great saying is you can keep playing the tug of war, or let go of the rope...(hope that one makes sense)
I know that it's different for you b/c you have children together so you will be connected through them forever. And, you've said that it is because of them that you've held it together. Hold it together for yourself, too. You're worth it! And, laugh all you need to...
Hugs,
mtmo
Re:im sorry. hope i didnt offend anyone Shanna: Crying just makes your nose all stuffy :P
I joke, too.....and you havne't offended me :D
