How do you let go? down2basics: :-/
How do you let go of the past? How do you let go of the things you loved most about your ex? How do you start a new life without comparing the new to the old?
I've been divorced now for almost a year. We've been seperated for 18 months now. My resolve was so strong at first, in fact it was concrete up until about a month ago.
My ex and I were married for seven years. The first two years I remembered mostly as happy. We had some really nasty things happen to us as a result of our neglect and stupidity, but overall, we were as one.
Then, when we were evicted from our apartment, it all went south. Somewhere, somebody flushed our marriage down the toilet. My ex, almost to the date we moved, became severely depressed, recoiled and completely unsociable. We rarely communicated with each other and basically lived as roomates for the next five years.
Nothing I tried worked. There was no communication and our fights kept getting worse and worse. I gave up hope and filed for divorce.
Well...I've been doing fine now up until a month ago. I start looking at my ex as though maybe I made the mistake. Then I start remembering all of the pain and hatefulness that plagued our marriage and think, "There's no way I can go back!" The trust that was between us is gone...So I reitterate...
:-/
How do you let go of the past? How do you let go of the things you loved most about your ex? How do you start a new life without comparing the new to the old?
Re: How do you let go? JASPER: your marriage sounds alot like mine .i'm sorry i dont know how you let go. but i just know you have to for your own insanity me and my husband are terriable toghether when it comes to money.we also have been evicted from places and it makes for a depression situation for everyone.but you have to remind yourself what brought you here and is here better then where you were before.i try to remind myself of what i'm losing and constanly get the same answer, nothing. but im gaining my independents my happiness and my life back i can and will let go!
Re: How do you let go? down2basics: Thank you for your reply Jasper....
I do try to think of what got me here and why I left in the first place. Do you find yourself missing certain traits in your ex that were a "comfort zone" for you? For instance, my ex knows "me" better than anyone...my ex can almost predict my every move - kinda scary I know! That's in a way, really comfortable. But then again, I remember so many terrible things that happened because of neglect and pure "don't give-a-crap" that I had to bail us out of - to the point that I wince at the thought of putting it back together. So why am I dreaming about those old memories?
Re: How do you let go? down2basics: ::) Well...I realize I'm new to the board and I appreciate any imput on this subject. Have any of you had trouble letting go of the past? If not in this relationship - in another?
My ex - for my birthday, brought me two DVD's - both were movies I really liked..."The Crow" and "Good Morning Vietnam". No one else even suspected I would want those movies - but here they are. Why does my heart break so everytime we are within 5 feet of each other? Why do I have to slap myself to keep from "fixing" the problems in my ex's life? What's going on here?
Please help me...I feel like I'm drowning in my own tears....
:'(
Re: How do you let go? INCT: Down2 basics,
everyone let's go in different ways and at different times. I think for me it has to do with accepting that I am divorced, almost 2 yrs, and the person that I live with isn't the person that i married.. every now and then I have to take a step back and catch my breath.
I can't say that I have fully let go, I have accepted my divorce, but I have moved ahead. I started doing things that made me feel good and then by chance someone good came into my life. I was able to accept where I was and that only I could do somehting about it when I decided to..
I don't look back on only the good times, nor do I dwell on the bad or the hurt that my ex-wife caused. I guess I am thankful for my new life that I just acknowledge that, that part of my life is gone.
Anyway, Hopefully it helps.
INCT
PS. Time does help as well
