how do you heal from infidelity? hf1: I was recently told by my husband during his 6 month deployment (he is in the Navy), that he wants out of the marriage. That he was not happy for a long time, and the problems that we had were not worth fixing. I know he has a girlfriend. The day after he got back from deployment, he helped her move into a new apartment, and this continued into the next day. He left in the middle of the night and said he was "going for a drive," but I know he went to see her, you just don't drive around and do nothing for 3 1/2 hours. We have a 4 year old, who woke up in the middle of the night looking for his daddy, and I told him he went out for a little bit and would be back later. I have done my best to shield and protect my son from everything. When he returned, he went outside and called her, and he had her pick him up here to bring him to work, and he called her again last night. I confronted him about it, and he denied it. I told him to atleast wait to date until the papers were filed and the divorce is final. He says they are "just friends." I don't believe him. I told him if he wants to see her, then he can do it when I am not home or on his own time, not on my time or the family's time, I tried to explain how hurtful it is and how disrespectful it is, but he just denied again that anything is going on. I thought we could resolve things when he came home, but he just wants out as quickly as possible. I don't understand how he could not want to sleep with me after 6 months of seperation with him out to sea. I can only assume he is getting that emotional and physical void filled with "her." I tried to talk to him about how him dating will affect our son, and that I do not want our son exposed to all of the women he will date, even the one he is currently dating. How can I instill values in my son when his father is behaving the way he is? We are going to file for divorce within the next few weeks, and then I am moving out of state to be with family and friends, in April, and he will join us (living in barracks), in about 6 months after that. I never knew I could hurt so much, I don't know how I am supposed to heal from this, or how I can ever let anyone become close again, I just don't know how I can learn to trust again...
:'(
Re:how do you heal from infidelity? OldSchool: HF1,
Sorry you're going thru this, but at least you found this site. It's a good thing to know you're not going thru this alone.
I don't have any children but view a child is gift... a precious gift. I know it's only natural, but there's nothing you can do to totally shield your son from his dad. All of us grew up differently and take the good/bad parts of our childhood, parents, surroundings to help us form ourselves as individuals.
It's important that you can concentrate on yourself first, so that you'll have the strength/energy to set new goals for yourself and your child.
I do remember when my ex was in denial about having a boyfriend, too. It does suck, big time so hopefully you can just let him keep making his bed. Believe me he'll get bit down the road.
OS
Re:how do you heal from infidelity? bettyboop: HF1
Sorry to hear this. I too have gone thru this myself and it does suck. He says their just friend's, NOT! My ex did that too and I knew better. It does get easier with time and with help of friends and family you make it. That is what kept me going. I have been divorced for 3 years now. It's funny but not funny, my ex married this women, so I get to see her when my ex picks up the kids. We are civial to each other because of the kids. He still thinks that he didn't cheat on me, I don't care if it is emotional or sexual it is steal cheating when you are married. This site is a very good site, it helps to know that your not the only one going thru this. Keep your chin up :)
Re:how do you heal from infidelity? hf1: Thank you so much for responding. It is not an easy time for me. I hope it gets easier down the road. I just can't stop second guessing myself. I never thought our marriage was so horrible that it would make him commit the ultimate act of betrayal. He says he was not happy for a long time, but he could have fooled me. This site has helped, and it makes me feel better to know I am not alone. I am studying to be a teacher and am student teaching in the spring, then I am moving with my son so we can be close to family. I am just trying to understand everything that is happening and trying to make sense of it all. I just wish I could stop feeling...stop caring,and everything. I just can't turn my emotions off over night. Hopefully, someday, I will meet someone who will treat me with respect and love.
Re:how do you heal from infidelity? jen: hf1,
I heard pretty much the same thing. I second guessed myself alot, too. I think second guessing yourself is part of the process, but I hope you reach the same point that I did...knowing that you did the best with the information that you had available to you at the time. If he wasn't communicating his unhappiness, you are not a mindreader. Be glad that you are feeling and caring...better to grieve now than to put it off...then you will be ready when someone does come into your life who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.
