On the down side yet again =\ LONG post. RecoveringinDE: Today is my daughters 4th BDay. I told my ex yesterday that I wanted to see her today. He admitted that he knew that I would want to, but we couldn't discuss anymore since it was the beginning of her BDay party. Well, I call him last night after everyone left to figure out when. I figured we could at least do lunch time or dinner. Nope. I only had 1 1/2 hours that I could spend with her because he had plans with her and his ow today. I told him when it came to special occasions such as her BDay, I should come first in the plans, not his ow. So, that went into a whole different tangent. We got into an argument and he hung up. Well, there is nothing I hate more than being hung up on. It's rude. That's it. Well, of course I call him back and he gets mad, hangs up again, so I redial again! My daughter answers the phone and asks me to be nice to her daddy. I was so floored! I finally agreed that I would be if he was to me. Get him on the phone and told him he made a mistake and we are either going to deal with it ourselves or with a lawyer. I was not going to be shoved out of my daughters life.
So, go over there this morning, spent the time with her and left. Got a phone call from a friend of his on my answering machine for him asking if he and his girlfriend were free Sat night to come over and play cards. OMG. Ok, stab to the heart again =\ So, called him and told him to make sure he told his friends not to call this #. Ended up calling his friend (who I also knew) told him to take my # from his phone. He was like huh? Told him that I was the ex wife that he left for xxxx. He was stunned, apologized profusely and said he felt like a jerk. Told him not to worry about it. May have to get my phone # changed I'm thinking. So, apparently he was out doing something, got mad at me for getting an attitude about that and hung up on me. Dam- him. You would think after 13 years together, he would know better. So, call again, said he was busy and hung up again. Last chance buddy. Then his OW answered the phone said "we are busy, he will call you later". And hung up. Alright, BIG mistake. Going to give him one last chance I think and then I am going to file for and extension for when I had to respond to the summons and talk to a lawyer about getting full custody. His OW is afraid that I will drag things out (told me this 2 weeks after my ex told me he had feelings for her) I'll be damned if I'm going to feel like I have to beg for time with my daughter, especially on her BDay.
Now, not sure if my feelings are legitimate, PMS related (reason I want to file the extension) or coming into the first holiday season without having him around.
Re:On the down side yet again =\ LONG post. jason_stl: Fight for your family early and often. I am sure it will be worth it.
Re:On the down side yet again =\ LONG post. jen: RiDE,
So sorry to hear about this crap on your daughter's b-day. I think that you have every right to be upset that he would not let you see your daughter for longer on her b-day...he would have been upset if the situation was reversed. On the other hand, he may figure since her b-day was on his visitation day, he didn't have to schedule time for you two to be together...maybe you need to have very explicit arrangements for special occasions...
And, there were better ways for him to give the conversation a time-out if he thought it was getting too heated than to hang up, which just escalated things. I'd say that since he does know you, he also knows how you would probably react to him hanging up.
As to your feelings about filing the extension and looking into full custody is related to how your ex handled the birthday thing (and probably has been handling things in general) or something else...only you can know that...but, I'm sure that whatever decision you make will be what's best for your daughter!
Good luck!
mtmo
Re:On the down side yet again =\ LONG post. RecoveringinDE: Thanks Jake and MTMO for your responses! I do appreciate it. I've had time to calm myself down. Took a nice hot bath, read a book while I was in there. Just to get my mind off of things. I'm almost positive my behavior is hormonal. Apologies to the men who read this! lol. I get like this around this time and usually avoid talking to him at all about anything important so things don't get this far. I actually feel alot better, headaches gone and am thinking clearly.
MTMO, you are right. He told me last night that he didn't think he had to make arrangements because it was his normal day with her. There are a few things that he and I will have to talk about, but I will wait until after my daughter is in bed tonight. And you are right that I have to think of what is best for my daughter and I know that being with her father 1/2 time is exactly what is best for her. She loves him to pieces and would be devastated if I tried to take that away and I just can't bring myself to do that to her.
No, I haven't done a 180 since I first posted, I assure you. I'm still furious with him about how he handled a few things and that included allowing his ow tell me they were busy. Think I'll also call his friend to apologize as well if I sounded like I was attacking him for calling since he did not know.
RiDE
Re:On the down side yet again =\ LONG post. DOK: Fight for all the time you can get with your daughter. I would definitely recommend filing for and extension then requesting for full-custody, especially when you're retarded stbx is using your daughter as a go-between. That's classic parental alienation. It's almost like he's showing off to the OW - or something. He's a real prince, spelled with a 'k'.
If you happen to get full custody, then if / when your stbx starts behaving better as a father and a co-parent, you can always give him more time with your daughter than the law dictates as a minimum.
But this advice is given with the following caveat: NEVER EVER use your daughter to get back at your stbx, or the OW. If he starts to act better, and backs off of the parental alienation tactics, and genuinely loves your daughter and wants the best for her, at that point you will need to do the right thing and make sure he has plenty of contact with her......IMHO.
Of all the B.S. that my ex has done to me, and still does to me, by far the worst is her parental alienation tactics, and her chronic, incessant attempts to keep my time with the kids to as low of a level as she can. I now despise her, and am thrilled she's out of my life. But the crap she has done and continues to do to our kids is inexcusable.
