kids don't know any suggestions on the "talk" SanD: STBX and I are decided the budget is agreed upon the custody agreed upon who moves who stays check no lawyers and only a couple screaming matches. Our son is 9 our daughter 3 we are waiting till after the holidays and I'm moving to a small apartment a few blocks away. I chose it for location and rent. its close to a good friend of my sons closer to his school , his aunt and his favorite park. My STBXH and i are trying to be friends and we want to be good co parents. There aren't any big ticket issues like cheating or drug use or anything we just aren't happy together its more me than him I guess but any way how the heck do ya tell the kids? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!
Re:kids don't know any suggestions on the "talk" RecoveringinDE: Be as honest as you can. But talk to them in their level. My daughter was 3 1/2 when I told her. I just told her that Mommy and Daddy don't play nice together anymore so we can't stay together. Haven't had any questions since then.
HTH!
RiDE
Re:kids don't know any suggestions on the "talk" lifechange: I agree - be honest, but gentle. I will tell you that it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. My children were completely devestated.
Watch for small changes and be prepared to get your children help (counseling) if needed. There is really no blueprint on how they will react. One of mine needed counseling, the other didn't. But 3 months later and I am still noticing changes in them. Just be patient w/them and realize they didn't ask for what is happening to them. Good luck!
lc
Re:kids don't know any suggestions on the "talk" ambergem: Tell them together. Tell them far enough in advance that your move isn't a surprise and they have time to adjust.
I wouldn't suggest saying that you don't love each other anymore - its hard for kids to understand that love can "disappear".
Be clear it wasn't their fault in anyway and even though you guys don't want to be together you both still love them as much as ever. Say this everyday. Be clear that nothing they do is going to change the situation. Kids may try to be "extra" good in the hopes that this will help you decide to stay.
Explain clearly how their lives will be affected - what will be different and what will be the same. Play up the benefits too. You will probably have to talk separately with the 9 year old a bit more since age appropriate language is different for them both. But just make sure the decision is imparted in a family setting.
Hope this helps. Its no fun but it'll be okay and better to present a united front in the long run.
Good luck!
Re:kids don't know any suggestions on the "talk" SanD: thank you al for the advice I have now told them and we did decide to let them know about 2 weeks before I move out.The 3 y.o. is oblivious but the 9 y.o. keeps saying he wishes I wasn't moving and saying I still love dad a little bit. I do tell him that I will always love their dad but we just don't make good man and wife we are better at being friends. Also I assure him that we will both be happier people this way. I will definately keep a close eye on them both as we go through the adjustment period.
