Jumbled Feelings itwillgetbetter: I just have this mix of conflicting emotions and don't know how to deal with them. I have not answered my phone in months. All my family and friends know that I won't pick up unless they start talking into the answering machine.
Yesterday, I did answer and sure enough it was him. He wants to know if he can come visit the dog. He misses her. I feel like saying YOU ABANDONDED THE DOG JUST LIKE YOU ABONDANDED ME AND YOUR LAST WIFE AND YOUR CHILDREN> NOW GET LOST. I FEEL LIKE SAYING YOU HAVE YOUR LITTLE HUSSY NOW GO WALK HER.
and then there is this part of me that still wants him. and then I think about it and there was nothing great about our short marriage to even want. Now he instant message me the link for the divorce info. I just can't even respond because I just want to lay into him. I want to call him and just YELL at all the things he did wrong to me and how he treated me poorly and totally uses me.
I AM SO PISSED and all I want to do is get on with my life and instead I find myself thinking about him 24/7. How am I suppose to deal with it. I don't want anymore of my brain cells wasted on thinking about the jerk. Sorry for such jumbled ramblings........
Re: Jumbled Feelings justmenow: It sounds to me like you need to get this anger out of you and vent. It might be like beating your head against a wall to take it out on him, but you can do alternative things like vent to a counselor. Sometimes hearing it out loud is relieving. Also exercise in any form is a great form of relief. Sometimes when I'm having a horrific day, I put on my running shoes and just run until I can't breathe anymore. Any outcome is good in that situation - I either continue to live and the endorphins kick in and I feel better, or I actually expire. Either way, the pain is gone... Sorry. That last statement was a little dark. Just feeling that way lately. Good luck to you. Don't keep this inside of you - anger destroys you from within and you have a right to be angry. Don't deny yourself those feelings - purging them is a normal part of the grieving process. I would have probably picked up the phone and told him to "walk his hussy" - hahaha - that cracked me up! Go with that! ;D
Re: Jumbled Feelings grober: I had to deal with a good bit of anger myself. I can eat you up if you don't get some kind of a release. justmenow is right: physical exercise is a great way to work out aggressions. I joined a gym and was working out like a madman while going through my divorce. I also sought out a good counselor, which helped immensely.
There was one other thing that I tried which seemed to help at times. It may sound crazy, but when I was alone I would say all the things to my X that I'd refrained from to keep the divorce civil. You know, all the really bad stuff. Somehow just saying it out loud help me work through those angry frustrated feelings.
Hope this helps. Take care.
Re: Jumbled Feelings achingallover: Ahhh anger, my close, close friend. I do ALOT of venting - working out, journaling (I have QUITE a wicked pen!), talking to friends, writing here. Oh, and most recently - LOTS of singing in my car! My past life was in musical theatre and I can belt with the best of 'em. I've never heard such loudness produced out of my body since this whole thing began! I agree with everyone, get it out. One of my therapist freinds said "write him letters. As many as you want. Be as nasty as you want. Write until there is nothing left!" My journal has some really colorful entries. I use it completely to barf out my emotions. Whatever you do, GET IT OUT!
Hang in there. WE are with you on this anger thing. How many times I have said to my friends "I will be so lucky if I get through this thing without being incarcerated!" I have told my sister many times, who lives out of state, to have bail ready for me. I want to tell "him" - dude, it is not in your best interest to close your eyes in this house with me in it...but perhaps that's a bit much! ;D
Re: Jumbled Feelings JimB:
[quote">
One of my therapist freinds said "write him letters. As many as you want. Be as nasty as you want. Write until there is nothing left!" [/quote">
This works great - I did it a ton, and it really helped. Resist the urge to do it in email format, though - way too tempting to just hit that "send" key when you're done. I did that a couple of times too many....
Another tidbit I've heard on the letters is write them, then put them away in a box. Right now, the idea that you can go back and reread them is probably comforting. Down the line, you'll likely find them too raw and intense to go back to, but in the meantime, they're kind of like a security blanket.
