Your Daily Horriblescopes. 12/20

Your Daily Horriblescopes. 12/20 RecoveringinDE: YOUR DAILY HORRIBLESCOPE  

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today the universe will stop expanding, and start contracting. You will be the only one who notices. Also, you will develop a strange desire to wear golf shoes.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today will be Mexican Food day, for you. In fact, chances are better than 1 in 3 that someone will refer to you as "Frijole-breath" before the day is through.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
After years of study in higher mathematics, and a fiendishly complicated topological proof, you will finally be able to prove that half a loaf is exactly 7.412 times better than no bread.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Excellent time to make up your own names for kitchen implements. You'll discover that you don't have nearly enough sticklers, but that you have every reason to be proud of your flatula.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will discover that you can amuse your friends by pretending that your hand is a tsetse fly, and "walking" it along the table. Your friends are easily amused, as it turns out.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Someone will ask you what you want to do this weekend. That may seem like a good time to say "What am I, psychic?" It's not, though.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Good day to mumble.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today you will break all the resolutions you made yesterday, and you will grin.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Go find something flat, and scribble on it. People have been doing that for tens of thousands of years, and it's mostly been ok.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
More trouble with that annoying "bluebird of happiness" today. With any luck, the cat will get it.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will narrowly avoid a collision on the sidewalk today, as a small giggling person runs past you, being hotly pursued by a weeping incoherent person waving a ham sandwich. Aside from that, a pretty typical day.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Tiddly wink day. Make it count.


Re:Your Daily Horriblescopes. 12/20 amola: Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
More trouble with that annoying "bluebird of happiness" today. With any luck, the cat will get it.

my cat? i don't think so......she weighs about 25 pounds and is too fat to catch anything other than a nap. however, if the bluebird of happiness comes around today, it'll probably be just to poo on my windshield!
 Re:Your Daily Horriblescopes. 12/20 favoriteangel2003: Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today the universe will stop expanding, and start contracting. You will be the only one who notices. Also, you will develop a strange desire to wear golf shoes.


Well of to get a pair of golf shoes! ;)

Amola~Granola~ Come on now...where's the positive thinking??? Maybe the Bluebird of happiness wants to drop some happiness(with it). ;)

Angel :)
 Re:Your Daily Horriblescopes. 12/20 computerperson: Stirring up trouble, huh Angel. :P
 Re:Your Daily Horriblescopes. 12/20 OldSchool: It's 8 degrees outside and I'm wearing doc martens... the golf shoes a buried in my closet. Well, tomorrow's a new day.
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