Am I stupid? jjbswest: Am I stupid for wanting him back after he cheated on me? I love him with all of my heart. I think that I could forgive him but I don't think I could ever trust him especially if he continued to work where he does. I find myself looking forward to seeing him when he comes to visit the kids. I try to dress nice and fix my hair and makeup and look really nice hoping that he will notice. I don't think he has ever cheated on me before. I just think he is going through something right now and not sure what. He just doesn't act like the person I knew. What if I give up on him and he is really having problems and someday he works them out and wants to be with me and is really sorry and I don't care about him anymore. Although I don't think I will ever get to the point where I don't care about him anymore. I'm so confused and scared.
Re:Am I stupid? OldSchool: So when do you start thinking about your happiness? It's a tough question because you're seeing someone you love destroy something that you value in the highest. There will come a point where you'll start looking at things differently. He is in pain, but it's from something he's doing to himself and his family. You're in pain as a result of his actions.
It's not a stupid question to ask, and it should only reassure you of your commitment that you made. If you think it's something that can be worked on, then at least go with the decision that you need to work on yourself first. It is much easier to worry about someone else and try to help them thru their crap. Believe me, your husband is not going thru this entirely alone. He's got to have another source to confide in, or else he would be right at your front doorstep.
Just start doing things for yourself... anything.. start small.
OS
Re:Am I stupid? in_search_of: No. Basically, any time I see the question, am I stupid, the answer is no. You are not stupid, you are healing, you are working on yourself, you are doubting yourself, which while making us feel stupid at times, does not make us stupid, it makes us smart, it makes us ambitious, it makes us better in the end.
However, your post is telling in and of itself.
[quote"> I think that I could forgive him but I don't think I could ever trust him especially if he continued to work where he does. [/quote">
Any time you can admit that there is a trust issue that is something that you have to work really hard on. I personally don't think I could ever trust someone again who cheated on me. But that is just me, I could forgive, perhaps, but I could not be with that person. Can you really have a marriage where you doubt the other person? I think not (read the thread about building on sand or a rock)
[quote"> He just doesn't act like the person I knew.[/quote">
Do you like the person that he is now? Do you think he could go back to being the other person? Do you think you can forgive him for hurting you at this point in his life?
[quote"> I just think he is going through something right now and not sure what.[/quote">
You are in this together with him, if he is having some sort of a problem he should have come to you, not found someone else to ease his sorrows.
[quote"> [/quote">
Re:Am I stupid? jjbswest: I don't like the person he is now. But, if he has never cheated before, and this was the only time, do you think if we got back together he would or not? He should have come to me to talk. I have always been there and he knows he could've come to me. I don't know why he didn't. I hate the thought that I am willing to be someone else for him and he hasn't offered to change for me. I know I love him. I know I don't want to be without him. I don't know if I could do it though. I just don't know.
