Should I or shouldn't I..... kimura321: My wife and I have been seperated for a couple of months-we are dual military and the seperation made us grow apart. When we finally got stationed together our marriage died a slow death. My regret is that instead of trying to work it out(our problems were very minor) she just decided that she didn't want to be married anymore. This really sucks, but life goes on- here's the problem.
We had dated in the past and she cut it off to "find herself", a week later she had a guy staying with her, the "rebound" guy and got pregnant by him. He meant nothing to her and she broke it off with him. I still cared about her and we got back together while she was about 6 months pregnant.
Well, I was in the delivery room coaching her, I cut the cord, and I raised him as my own son. On the birth certificate she declared the father as "unknown".
A few years later we are split up-she doesn't want to be a wife and loves her son but told me her career and social life are going well and she wants me to watch him so she can continue to pursue them fully. She says that I can't adopt him overseas(where we are stationed) and if I prove myself maybe I can later.
Well, as far as the breakup- it was sudden for me but she had been planning it so was set up with a place and I let her have all the furniture and stuff and was essentially on my ass. I'm trying to get a life started and get my stuff together as far as setting up a home and making friends etc.
She still expects me to drop everything at a moments notice to pick him up from day care when she has work or social commitments and only contacts me when she has something going on and wants me to watch him.
Also she has stated she will possibly stay in the military as a career(I'm done after this tour).
Now, with no legal rights over the child, she can take him away from me at a moments notice, and she has threatened if I don't watch him enough on my days off that I will not be considered suitable to be his father.
What I am worried about is this-she got her ducks in a row while I carried her and the relationship with her career and social circle until she was set, then she dumped me. what happen's if she is just using me to watch the boy so she can further her career and social circle? In a year and a half I transfer-and I feel that she once we are geographically seperated I will lose contact with him.
He is only 2-1/2, should I sever the ties now and get on with my life(I love him and don't really want this) or wait and see what happens and possibly lose him later after I've invested so much into him.
I want to do the right thing for him and for me.
Please, any advice would be needed
Thank you
Re:Should I or shouldn't I..... kimura321: as an add on-I'm really worried about him- I hear the stories of kids growing up without fathers or with the multiple step-dads and don't want him to be a statistic. And I'm not trying to sound perfect or anything, but on my days off with him i plan the whole day around him and we actually do stuff, when I go to friend's houses it's a given he comes with me.
In the time we've been seperated she has not a a single thing just with him-she hasn't gone a park or done anything-just takes him to day care, to the grocery store-etc. A couple of times she took him with her to a friends, but it was a drink fest for them.
He's not baggage-he's a little man who never asked for any of this crap to happen.
Re:Should I or shouldn't I..... cadillacjack: wow let me start by saying you are a special person, my hat is off to you..... the fact that she threatens you with his removal is ugly, she sounds like a real player. God I'm lost...first off document everything, all that you have done and all the details then I would try for custody. I realise in your profession it's hard to be a single dad (I'm one). Is there any of your immediate family that can help you raise this child?
Man, I thought my life was complicated. Let me think about this....for now just keep doing what you're doing...hopefully others here can shed some light too...
Good luck and stay focused....
CJ
Re:Should I or shouldn't I..... AloneandCold: Hey I'm not sure what state is considered your residence From:
http://www.frascona.com/resource/gag1004stepparent.htm
I am trying to look up laws for you.
Visitation (parenting time) rights may be awarded to a stepparent, if the child's parent and stepparent divorce. Whether a stepparent will be awarded parenting time depends on the nature and extent of the relationship between the stepparent and the child. Courts recognize that sometimes, it could be detrimental to the child to sever the link between the child and the stepparent.
Ill look some more this is colorodo but I imagine there are similar laws elsewhere
Re:Should I or shouldn't I..... AloneandCold: Ok if you can get them to consider your rights. here are some things to keep in mind for court
http://www.divorcesource.com/IL/ARTICLES/feinstein2.html
And document everytime you spend time with him, what you do with him, ect..... you need to prove you have a relationship with him.
