Custom ordered..... redheadrn72: I was chatting w/ a friend one day - you know one of those profound people that say things that really make you think about things. Anyway - after talking about relationships and such - he told me "set a goal - no matter what it takes - "I want my next man to be......" and don't settle for less". I don't think that he thought I would really do it but I did. I sat down and came up w/ this................
[color=Purple"> [/color"> I want my next (and last) man to.....
be honest - even when it hurts
say what he means and mean what he says
be open minded - be willing to agree that we disagree
- be willing to see and try new things
not be abusive - he will never hit me
- he will never belittle me
be compassionate and not cold hearted
be supportive
be strong but gentle
be patient
be able to show me that he loves me - I want to FEEL
loved - not just know that I am loved
be fun loving and able to laugh
be able to make me laugh
be my best friend
be faithful
be a friend and good role model for my daughter
be a part of my family - he should know that my
family is important to me and want
to be a part f that circle too.
Is that too much to ask? Do they even make men like that?
Re:Custom ordered..... redheadrn72: Crushed - those are great questions and they made me think even more about it.
I don't think anyone can "fake" any of those qualities - at least not for long anyway. Someone can put on an act in order to get what they want - but eventually their true selfish person will show - therefore breaking the "honesty" and "meaning what he says" qualities. Notice - selfish is not on my list!!!!
As far as being willing to give up one of the qualities if he had all the rest - that would depend on what quality it was. Like honesty and faithful are a must. But some of the others - maybe. I guess it would depend on how secure and safe I felt in the realtionship. But then that opens a whole other can of worms.
As I was making my list, I realized once again that I am no where near ready to hand my heart over again. Somedays I feel like I will never be ready. I guess a little ESP in the quality list would be good too so that he can see that I am scared to death and be willing to take that on.
Re:Custom ordered..... clambakesX: Redhead,
these are things I've been thinking about ... I don't think that my 'next' man will be my 'last' man, but lately I've been spending some time with some people who've been treating me in the ways you describe, and for me that's highlighted problems I hadn't recognised in my relationship with the ex.
Many of my expectations now are "anti-ex", that is, based on things that were wrong with the ex. Maybe that's my path to figuring out what I want in a positive, yes-to-me sense ...
To tweak your list,
be honest WITH HIMSELF - even when it hurts
say what he means and mean what he says AND KEEP HIS PROMISES, and NOT DERIDE ME FOR HAVING RELIED ON HIM TO KEEP HIS WORD
be open minded
- be willing to see and try new things
WITHOUT BEING BROWBEATEN INTO IT.
not be abusive
- he will never belittle me
BECAUSE THIS IS *not* "HUMOROUS"
be compassionate and not cold hearted
(whew, this is so far outside of Clambake's nature...)
be supportive EVEN WHEN IT COSTS HIM SOMETHING
be strong but gentle (again, Clambake needed a mommy-substitute, so - not possible.)
be able to show me that he loves me - I want to FEEL
loved - not just know that I am loved
(um, with this one ... the love would have had to have been there in the first place. Clambake had/has no capacity for love, because he never knew it, was never shown love by his parents or anyone. he's a big vacuum.)
be fun loving and able to laugh NOT *AT* PEOPLE
be faithful BUT OUT OF LOVE, NOT OUT OF FEAR OR OF SOME BRITTLE IDEA OF 'correctness'
be a friend and good role model for my daughter - SEE CHILDREN AS HUMANS, NOT AS PROPERTY/NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY
I'm just not far enough to be able to list pure positive qualities for what I want ... last night I realised that, for all Clambake's flaws, he was still far better than what my parents taught me to expect from men. Sad.
Re:Custom ordered..... redheadrn72: Medusa -
the beginning of my list definitely started out as an anti-ex thing. But then the more I thought about things - the more I realized that these are things that I really want. I have met some great men - and they have had alot of these qualities - but there was always something missing - or something else there that I didn't want. Am I being too picky? Am I unrealistic?
I've also been reading the "question for the guys?" post. It's interesting how alot of the things that people want are the same. Then why can't we find each other?
Re:Custom ordered..... favoriteangel2003: Red~
I LOVE your list! I am keeping my fingers crossed...I know a few men like this so they are out there. I hope next time is the "FINAL" time for me.
Great list... :)
Angel :)
