Completely lost... Caliguy: Well without making this too much of a novel, I came back from vacation and the house was empty except for my stuff. She told me that more than likely she would do it, but I guess I never thought that she would. Well anyways, her and her mom got me from the airport and we got here to the house. Ever since then its just been really ruff and I dont know what to do with myself. All i had been doing since Friday was staying in bed, sleeping, crying. I havnt had an appetite or any kind of real care. I dont like leaving the house because I dont want to have to come back to it being empty again. Me and her get along good and we still care about eachother, but when it comes to marriage for some reason it just didnt want to work out. Im in the military but wasnt really ever gone so I doubt that was it and hate to feel like its my fault, but I do. I just feel like a complete failure with no worth and that no matter what I did to try to make things better, it just wasnt good enough. Well today is Sunday and I am getting better I guess. I mean Im on-line looking for Divorce Support so thats a start right? I just never thought that this was something I was ever going to have to go through and daym its sooo hard. I hate the feeling I get when I wake up and go to sleep. So much for not making this a novel.
Re:Completely lost... jjbswest: I noticed that this is your first post, so you are a newbie. The first and most important thing that I can stress to you is the fact that you get on here and post your little heart out. Seriously. I was just like you two weeks ago, found this site, and started posting and today is a good day. Today I feel like I will be okay. I have made some great friendships here and I know that everyone understands because they are going through it too. I felt like I was the only person in the world going through it. We all feel for you. I post and post everything that happens in the regard of my divorce. IT makes me feel better and alot of times people say something that snaps inside me and I think my gosh, they are so right. The feelings will get less and less and you will get better but the last thing you need to do is stay in that house. I'm not saying move. I am saying get out. my mom and i went to the movies, went out to eat, etc. and i did not want to go. i wanted to stay home, but i realized the more at home i stayed, the more depressed i became. even if i get out for just an hour, i feel better. REad my summary on the stages of grief and you can understand more about what you are feeling. hang in there though. we are here for each other and everyone on here is so supportive.
Re:Completely lost... Kinney26: well man, you have found a pretty good place with lots of great people who know how you feel. Obviously we can't take away your pain, but we can be a shoulder to cry on or a place just to vent. It is always just nice to get your feelings out when you feel like you have no where else to go. When my ex left I thought my life was over, but I did slowly over time start to feel better. It take s a long time but Ojar definitely helps. The best advice I can give right now is just grieve. It is normal and even though it sucks, it is your bodies way of handling the pain. Grieving is the start on your way to healing.
Kin
Re:Completely lost... OldSchool: Hey Caliguy,
You definitely found a place that will listen, not judge and mostly understand what you're going through. I've been on the divorced end and it does take time to heal. All of us here probably got married not thinking this would ever be the end result. I know that's the case with myself.
In time you will heal from the hurt, but it does take time. There's no way around that part. In the meantime, there's nothing wrong with grieving like Kin said so take care of yourself. We're here.
OS
Re:Completely lost... WhyNow: I have found that my first shirt (1st Sergeant) was very supportive of me as well as my entire chain of command. They saw to it that I got the help I needed and took care of business for me when I found that I needed someone to talk to. They hooked me up with a counselor and a depression management group. I don't know what your job is in the military and if it would be affected by going to "mental health" (the air force calls it "lifeskills" now because of the stigma attached) i.e. becaue sometimes if you carry a weapon they probably might not let you carry it for a week or so until they feel that you are okay to do so.
Seek a chaplain if you need to also.
Just remember that you are not alone, no matter what and how far away from home you are (I am 3,000 miles from my family on the East Coast).
I have found that even strangers can be so supportive if they notice that something has you down.
I met someone on New Year's morning when I was drunk & sad as all heck. This man took 2 or more hours with me and my daughter,who had driven to came to pick me (her drunk dad) up. As we sat in a Denny's and this man talked to me, I felt myself feeding off of his strength that I needed to get through the night. This man also happened to be from New York close to where I am from. It's like he almost felt obligated to help me out of the gutter because not even 2 years ago his wife also left him "out of the blue" after an "18" year marriage. He had a great attitude and I am glad that we were able to give him a ride home and I also got his phone #.
Bottom line is that he treated me better than my wife whom I had a relationship with for 12 years.
You can count on others for support, just don't be too proud to ask for it. It is not a sign of weakness, it takes strength to want to heal.
Take care and God Bless,
Paul
