Re:How do I win back my wifes love? How do I act?

Re:How do I win back my wifes love? How do I act? NoEscape: Thank you all for the replies. This really is an amazing gathering of people on this board. After being bummed out the whole afternoon I called her on my way home and told her how I feel. I asked her if me beign affectionate to her makes her feel weird because its out of character or because shes just doesnt want affection from me. She told me the former...thanks for that at least. I told her to not make me waste my time if she feels nothing for me..she said she has feelings for me but cannot trust that I will remain the caring, affectionate person I am right now.So therefore she has doubts couseling will work...
I asked her if I were to maintain my level of affection and helpfullness would she want that? She said yes but still has major reservations about it lasting(my behavior). Its understandable...I have been quite selfish at times and this is going to take time. I do love her a great deal--it may take a really long time to realize that though...or she may never realize it an we may split. Time will tell...I will keep you all updated. After all you all are about 200 of my closest anonymous friends. ;)
How do I win back my wifes love? How do I act? NoEscape: Not sure if everyone got to read my story but here it is in a nutshell. Married 2 yeears...together like 9.
Young baby--one year old.
Wife has always done everything for me...always made me feel loved. I thought I reciprocated--but in her eyes I didnt.
About a month ago she started to have an emptional affair with a older married man---she believed that i no longer loved her--or desired her...and he gave her all the attention she wanted/needed. They had lunch a lot--made out a few times...and exchanged many emails. I found out...since then its been really rough. We agreed to "work on" the relationsship. Will go to counseling---although during the heat of argument my wife said she no longer loves me...shes hot for me physically---but not romantically.
She has since said she does love me...but is working on being "in" love with me and says things will take time. I still dont totally trust her...and I am trying really hard not to accuse. She said she doesnt want to talk about things every night and needs space--she said she just wants normalcy in our life. Weve had sex once since we agreed to work on but it was more like just F******. I was thinking about sending her flowers today...just to show her I care and then just let her be the rest of the day. Tell me girls/guys whatever.....will that annoy her/turn her off---I feel sappy doing this as I feel the one who was betrayed however I do love her...and I want to save our marriage. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Ron
 Re:How do I win back my wifes love? How do I act? NoEscape: A little bit of an update. I had a good talk with w last night...one of the few in recent weeks that didnt end in anger. I ended the conversation short...recognizing that it was a bit much for her. I think she appreciated it...
I am trying really hard to be patient---so she then went asleep. I did all the house chores...when she woke up she gave me a big hug. That felt really good...I guess its a start.
This is going to take time. I think to her I am acting like a completely different person and it freaks her a little. I am just going to continue to do what I am doing and hopefully she will recognize a change in me. Our mutual issues will have to be worked out in counseling. I hope to go over the next week or so...thanks for listening.
 Re:How do I win back my wifes love? How do I act? timetobefree: If the issue is truly that she did everything for you and you did not really reciprocate, then I would send flowers...and do all the other little things that show you do care. However, before you do that, I would really think about WHY she had an affair. Was it really lack of emotion from you? Or is that just a convenient excuse? It sounds to me like you both need to work on coming together as a couple...not just you trying to "win" her love back. She cheated. Regardless of how you treated her, she betrayed you and your marriage vows. You admit that you were not perfect to her, but I guess I have a hard time with the fact that she used this as her excuse to cheat. Has she cut off contact with this man? That would be one thing I would require before I would be willing to work on anything for her!!!

Take care,

Amy
 Re:How do I win back my wifes love? How do I act? Suddenly Single: Ron -

I never thought I would recommend this much but have you thought about seeing a counselor? They are good because they are impartial and can give a fresh view of things- maybe things you two aren't seeing. You are both emotional and involved in it so it is hard to see a lot of things.

Do not go overboard with the little things - because then it is so out of character it will freak her out. Ease into it...start with things maybe you used to do and then go from there.

Like Amy said - has she cut off contact with this man? That is important.




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