Re:Backstabbed... heartbroken... need help
These past weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster... at times I'll be so up and ready to tackle the world, but then the next I'm kneeling down crying my heart out because I miss my family so bad, specially my daughter. Another problem that I have is that I have such a big heart that it sometimes blurs my view from reality... my self-steem is on the floor, and I'm trying to work out and get back in shape to be able to find someone... my mom is always encouraging me about that, but, as we all know, every child is beautiful in his/her mom's eyes... lol
My biggest fear now is for my daughter... I don't know where she is, or what she's being exposed to... and I think about those times where my x and her lover met in a hotel and my daughter was with them in the same room... did she ever wonder why was this man with her mommy instead of her daddy? why she had to go away from daddy... I don't know... that really sends me to cryingland... :'(
She is supposed to call tonight... I hope I can talk to my daughter... but she might not want to... I wonder if that's because she will tell me everything... she always has, if you ask her she'd tell you about her day, and the dogs, and everything that was going on... so I wonder if my x is afraid that she'll tell me where they are -maybe even with this guy- and what he's done and all... why won't she let me talk to her? why is she treating me like I'm the one that messed things up and don't even deserve my daughter? My only hope is that the law is on my side... but even then I fear of biased judges and stuff... even though I feel the evidence we have is pretty strong... if we can only get this process started, and get her served... :-\
A big problem also is trying to balance my feeling and my mind... "ive read some posts that have helped, but still think that I need more info on how to handle it... Thanks again in advance for all your help. This forum is great !! Even though I wish I had never had the urge for finding it... I guess nobody actually want a divorce anyway... ::)
I'll post later on more stuff that I need to let out... thanks guys !
Re:Backstabbed... heartbroken... need help NoEscape: [quote author=tetutigre link=board=1;threadid=6985;start=0#msg56101 date=1106080299">
"The difference is that I have my kids with me..."
I think that would make a HUGE difference, if I had my daughter with me I'd be able to cope with this so much better... we were very close, we always played when I came from work, and took her out many times shopping or to watch a game.. she would always sit by me at a restaurant... And I was her handsome prince...
It really frustrates me that we cannot find exactly where she is, but the law enforcement won't do anything about it, since it is not a crime for a parent to take your child and leave... and even though I have the court order, it seems to be only in paper... I mean, shouldn't it be a crime for somebody just to leave the state with your kids to go be with their lover or something??? What about the kids' well-being? Sure, she's the mother and can care physically for her... but not spiritually or fully emotionally because of her selfish reasons to pursue an affair... she's got no job, little money and big CC debt as far as I know... I gotta be strong tonight -if she even calls- and face what might happen... I'll check this board later for some more advice !!! I need to know what to do when she calls... I don't wanna break down, or beg, or cry, or cuss her out... but not having my kid is really messing me up. Thanks for your great help so far guys.
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Hello. Welcome to the board. I am fairly new to it myself. Heres my advice for when she calls. If you beg, cry, cuss and generally make her feel bad it is unlikely she will return. Make her feel comfortable and safe--tell her you are hurt by what she has done but you can understand(even if you cant)---his will at least make her feel safe and perhaps want to come back and then maybe you can get your daughter back. People who cheat usually feel guilty and terrible about it...espescially if the new relationship doesnt work out. She sounds like she is in a very bad place with your daughter---make her feel like she has a safe place to come back to. No guilt for now...just love, forgiveness and acceptance. I know its REALLY hard. I am going thru it myself...but just try, for your daughters sake. Good luck.
Backstabbed... heartbroken... need help tetutigre: :'(
It's my first time in this forum... found it while searching for help to cope with what's going on in my life.
Just before Christmas, my wife confessed to me she had had an affair, that it was a one time thing and that she was really sorry about it all, and that I deserved much better.... all that. I had to leave and think things through, and when I came back she was gone, and took my daughter with her. She took clothes, papers, decorations, presents... it was the worst Christmas ever... I was blessed enough that my parents were able to be there with me, or I don't know what would've happened...
Later, while trying to go through the ashes, I found out that the "one time thing" was an ongoing affair with a sick man twice her age and that they had been communicating through several long phone calls, e-mails, and even met at places and times that my wife had talked me out of going with them... a complete backstabbing and betrayal from somebody I had given everything, my time, my money, my trust... and on top of all, she was a Christian... that makes it even worse for me...
So I went to see a lawyer and got the suit going and the judge awarded me temporary custody of my child... but we do not know where they are... they have been hidding where her lover lives but it's been so difficult to get any information... it kills me every day that my daughter is gone and in a very bad environment...
She finally called about 3 weeks later when I e-mailed her the court order, and we talked for a while...she said that she was not with this guy anymore, and that she had had a lot of time to think about things and all she'd done and stuff... she would not let me talk to my daughter though... this left me very confused because it made my heart wonder... so on one hand I want things to work out and get back to normal... but in the other hand I know the fact of her lies and don't think she's telling the truth...
I've grown closer to God in this past weeks, but it still is hard to swallow... and I miss my daughter everyday that goes by... and have to remind myself that she is my top priority right now... but it is hard.... really hard...
Thanks for listening to my story and if you have any inputs or tips I'd really like to hear them... Thanks
Re:Backstabbed... heartbroken... need help heartbroken4: tetutigre:
First of all welcome to ojar. This place has really helped me and I am definate it will help you.
I am very sorry for your situation. Your daughter should not be going through this at all. It is bad enough what is happening between you and your x.
Unfortunately you have a road in front of you and it is good you have turned to God he will help you and give you the courage you need. You are doing the right thing by fighting for your daughter! She needs a stable parent right now. One day your x will slip and you will get the evidence you need.
As far as what your wife did to you is terrible! Hang in there and feel every emotion dont try to push it away it will help you in your process thats what I learned. Just take one day at a time and remember there are several people here for you!
Heartbroken
Re:Backstabbed... heartbroken... need help admin: Checkout this thread... it may help!
http://www.ojar.com/boards/index.php?board=1;action=display;threadid=690;start=0
