Casual distractions? kenzim: Greetings all!
I have been divorced for just over one year, and I finally feel like some things are beginning to make sense.
One thing I've noticed is that I've been dating girl after girl just 2 months after my divorce. I think that these "casual distractions" have allowed me to put my feelings for my ex conveniently on the backburner.
Does anyone have a philosophy on whether it's better to "test the waters," or to spend some time alone to heal before moving on? I'd be interested to hear.
Thanks!
Ken
-28. San Diego
Re:Casual distractions? dolbaby1977: hmmm, thats really soon. but as long as u r happy, then good for you. however i have always heard that the next person u date after just breaking up w sumone is the "rebound" one...so,, im not sure.. as long as u r at peace w yourself,and u dont think anything will come back 2 haunt u. i was -am always scared to date in thinking tht maybe my marriage could be saved and i wouldnt want any extra drama....
Re:Casual distractions? in_search_of: I think you have to do both, I started dating nearly as quickly as you did, actually quicker if you get right down to it though the first person and I never called it dating, but it might as well have been.
I like the casual distractions, they allowed me to do some of the healing that I needed, and kept me from getting to set in my ways of being alone. My dad actually pushed me into dating right away and set me up with someone he works with, and while he would tell you he didn't expect it to last (this guy had some issues) he did say, well, Bec, if you don't want to end up like me (he has been divorced and basically not dating for 18 years) then you have to get back on the horse.
Now, if you are using the casual distractions to not actually do any of your own work, then it is a mistake.
Re:Casual distractions? Shanna: I started dating someone REALLY soon after I was seperated, but he works with me on getting thru my broken marriage....he is going thru the same so we talk about it and I try to hlep him some, too. I didn't stop my processing of my greif to be with him. BUT I was 100% sure I did not want my stbxh back before I started dating him. I think that he has helped pull me thru the process a bit quicker. He helps bring me up when I am down....he helps me see when I am irrational.
So I think distractions can be useful as long as you don't use them to NOT deal with your problems and emtions.
Thanks! kenzim: Thanks for the replies (all of you),
It's interesting to hear what others in my situation are doing. I've solicited a lot of advice from friends and family members, and it's all over the board.
Basically, I feel that it's okay to date multiple people, etc. as long as I am up front and honest with them, and I continue to work through my own "baggage."The hardest part is that I still love my ex (more than a year later), and therefore, I don't know if I can even be good for someone right now. Then again, maybe it's just a matter of meeting that "right" person who really floors you. One thing I've learned from being back on the dating scene is that it's incredibly hard to meet people you are compatible with, it's a little discouraging...
I appreciate your thoughts!
Ken
-28
