This is unbearable... NoEscape: Man this gets more and more painful by the day. am scheduled to go to marriage counsling later today...I talked with the wife last night. She was irritable...uncomfortable about counseling. She implied she no longer loves me but will try for our daughters sake. I still believe she is seeing other man...deep down but she denies it wholeheartedly. I just dont understand...my wife just 3 weeks ago was saying how much she loves me and how great things were...and now she isnt REALLY willing to even try. She is very negative about counseling...I feel like I am forcing her to go. She went from someone who did everythng for our relationship to now she doesnt even want to try. or if she does she is going to do it half assed. Why wont she even give it a chance? I just dont understand. My wife says she isnt "IN" love with me but cares for me. But this is someone who has always loved me to a ridiculous extent. I was neglectful but am willing to change for the sake of marriage and daughter. My wife and daughter are my entire world...they are all I care about. why wont she give me a second chance? She said she is so mad that when we were fighting I told her I would fight for custody of my daughter because she is an adulterer--an that everyone would know it. I know that is wrong...but she is an adulterer...and it just seems so unfair she would take my daughter to be raised by another man---I dont know what to do/think.....I just know how upset I am. I have looked into seperate counselling.....its not going to make my immediate pain subsde though. God this reallly sucks...and my wife still lives in the house...I cant imagine when we are no longer together.
Re:This is unbearable... Kellyarmendariz: I have on piece of advice that may not be even the advice that you were looking for, but.....You said that you told her that you would fight for custody of your daughter...DO NOT BRING THINGS LIKE THAT UP, especially if you want to work things out. I am going through a divorce myself, and I feel like men use that because they know that it is the one thing that will truly hurt their wives. My ex now has temporary custody of my 2 children until we go to court. He has used my boys as pawns to get me to come back. I know that it is tough to think about your child being around another man, but face it....if things don't work out she will move on, and so will you, so your daughter will have another man, and another woman influence in her life eventually. The two of you have to get past all of the anger and hurt and think about your daughter. Do not use that little girl as a tool to get the results that you want. She needs you both equally. You say she is an adulterer.....is she a good mom. Does she love her duaghter, does she meet your daughters needs. That is all that matters when it comes to the child!!!
Just my feelings on it.
Re:This is unbearable... sheydp: Can I give a bit of advice too? (I agree about the kid, thing, though - see my post for how much I go through to keep the kids out of it!) See if she will write to you about what she is feeling. Obviously you can write yours out clearly, she needs to see that, be able to respond. If she can write to you, maybe she can say things she won't say to you in person, or be able to express things in a way you can hold on to. Email each other - just remember sometimes we hear writing slightly different than they are trying to express it. I love you but, could be "I LOVE YOU, but" or "i love you, BUT" and it is often hard to tell where the emphasis should be...
Re:This is unbearable... NoEscape: Thanks for the replies. We have had many emails...it seems I get better results in person than I do on the phone or in emails. I have written her extended emails. It doesnt seem to matter. She is very jaded towards me. I will see what our counseling session does tonite. I am able to break thru her defense occasionally since all this happened but then she snaps back to disliking me when she is away from me. So much resentment from her. I had no idea.
As far as my daughter...well--I am not trying to use her as a pawn. I would fight for her. My daughter needs her daddy...she needs her mother too but I feel my wife is bi-polar or something. I have had to grab her quite a few times to stop from taking pills and stuff.
Re:This is unbearable... MiamiFred: [quote author=NoEscape link=board=1;threadid=7057;start=0#msg56526 date=1106206294">
I was neglectful but am willing to change for the sake of marriage and daughter.
[/quote">
Ok - time to be honest. How neglectful were you that she ended up with another man? Sometimes we are willing to change when it is too late. Sometimes I feel that may be what led to my current separation, but we did try counseling and it worked for a bit. So how neglectful were you?
