Is there any chance of change?(explaining the story better) pleesehelp: Hello again. Thanks again for the kind replies under the topic "not a clue what to do". I replied to your responses by giving you an update as of yesterday with a couple new questions. I hope someone will read them and reply with any advice. I wanted to let you understand the situation a little more clearer with this one.
After my 8 year old was born our sexual activity slowed down alot and it wasnt her at all. It was me. She always asked me why we didnt make love and I just said I didnt know I guess I was tired all the time. She thought it was her and that maybe I was digusted after watching my son being born. I told her thats not true but had no real reason why I wasnt that active. Im telling you all now it had nothing to do with her and I guess I was just being lazy.
She has a bad temper,as do I, and we had little fights often. We both calmed down and everything was really good for so long. But she still questioned my affectionate feelings for her. About 8 months ago, she said I needed to change because she was losing her love for me and my friend said I needed to sacrifice certain things and one of them was drinking. I never went out and never really got drunk,but did buy it often. The day after my talk w/ my friend I quit alcohol completely(she still likes beer but I didnt touch a drop and still havent!)[the sex never did pick up I guess cause of my laziness"> .
I thought that was my "sacrifice" and thought it would all be good. It did for a little while until about a month ago I noticed her "slight change of look" at me. Sooo....as of two days ago,thats when it "hit the fan"!
If I had only been more affectionate I think things would have worked out! I wondered if I pushed her to look for love somewhere else? I need her back and SWORE that given one more chance I would make her happy!(now she doesnt believe me and says she doesnt love me anymore) Is there any hope at all in still trying? Could she change her mind about this? I want us to finish the life we started as a family and I dont know if Im wasting my time. I miss the days of smiles and looking at her with no suspicious thoughts. I cant stop thinking of someone else making love to my wife! I feel sick again! Please help.
Re:Is there any chance of change?(explaining the story better) Croutonic: I feel your pain, believe me. That's the worst thing about my situation - knowing that my wife is sleeping in someone else's arms. I would have been willing to work through the cheating, but in the end, I don't think that's a good idea. Once she cheats, the door has been opened. The tempatation will always be there, and you'll always be wondering who will walk in that door when you're not looking.
Re:Is there any chance of change?(explaining the story better) pleesehelp: Maybe its not a good idea but I do want my wife back (tho she hasnt left) I need my family to survive. I forgot to mention that I work at night and she during the day. Thats one reason we dont sleep together in the same bed. She refuses to understand that fact. We have one car and when I get home from work she leaves for work and a couple hours after she gets home,I leave for work. It would kil me with those thoughts in my head but maybe she will realize it was wrong and change. People do change Right? Am I kidding myself?
Re:Is there any chance of change?(explaining the story better) Jennicole: hello, i had to reply to your post, because i am in a similar situation, just reversed. my husband never wants to have sex with me, and there is never a true answer as to why. and this absolutly kills me. it lowers your self esteem, to the point where you cant even get up in the morning to know that the person right next to you doesnt want you in a sexual way. this has destroyed our marriage, because in my eyes, these are things that you do with soemone that you love, to show that love. he sometimes makes me feel like it is my fault, because with him, he is to scared/ashamed/proud to admit that something is his fault. i have bent over backwards to make him happy. and then i started feeling like a puppy dog, begging for affection, and totaly devouring what little affection he would give. this makes me feel like less of a person. it has totaly robbed all my self esteem. maybe this is how your wife feels, i dont know. i hope this helps you look at the other side a little clearer.
jenni-cole
Re:Is there any chance of change?(explaining the story better) Kellyarmendariz: I have a few thoughts for you. I am a woman who can definately relate to your wife. I am going through a divorce now, and I am also involved with someone else. The main problem in my marriage, aside from all of the fighting, is that my husband was not very affectionate with me. He had been married before me and when we first got together I saw some pictures at his moms house of him with his ex wife and they were always smiling and kissing and looked really happy. He was never that way with me. He told me he loved me, and he did want to make love to me a lot, but I never wanted to because I felt like that was all he wanted. He would never hold my hand in public, or kiss me in front of our families. He was just never very romantic. That made me lose my interest in sex and in everything, which led to a lot of fights. But my mistake was that I never told him that I needed those things, so I don't know if he would have changed those things or not. Now I have told him and he says that he would try to change. When I met the man that I am currently involved with I think all of the romance swept me off of my feet, because I had been missing that. We will be in line at the grocery store and he will just say I LOVE YOU...in front of everyone. Every morning before he leaves for work he leaves me a note on the counter telling me to have a good day and that he loves me. Those little things mean the world to most women. We need that. Just think about those things. If you can change that...START NOW. Send her flowers for no reason at all. Call her at work just to tell her you love her. Go out of your way to show her how you feel before it is too late.
