confused... please help tetutigre: Hi,
Thanks for your help on the other thread, http://www.ojar.com/boards/index.php?board=1;action=display;threadid=6985 ... now I'm kinda confused. When we talked -last tuesday- I told her about how I felt and the choices ahead for us: she could either decide to be the way she was, or if she was REALLY repented and willing to work things out, we could try that.... she said she had a lot to think about and that she would call me on the weekend. She keeps saying she's not with this guy anymore and stuff...
Later on the week I got to talk to my lawyer, and he was telling me that, as this whole case looks like, anybody might reccomend her to try to reconciliate and dismiss the suit... but then when she comes back she could do the same or even worse and I would be screwed...
Now I'm confused... I know that if she was capable of cheating on me and take my daughter, she could do worse... but I also know that if she was truly repepnted and willing to work things out, and I rejected that, I could be making a big mistake as well...
How would I know, from a Christian perspective, that she really is repented and broken from all this? How could I handle that? Right now I've got temporary custody of my daughter, which she has -and don't know where they are at- and would not like to lose that edge...
Please help me guys... I'm really confused about this... Thanks in advance.
Re:confused... please help sheydp: ok, just noticed no response to you here... Let me start with, it doesn't have to be all or nothing, you can work on things while you are apart... Of course, if you can't see your daughter, she isn't really trying, and you need to forget trying too - she is not good for you then. Assuming you get your hands on your daughter the way the the court says you should, there may be a chance, but don't rush it. Start with the good talking, work up to more -- while living apart. It will be easier for your daughter if the yo-yo thing doesn't happen, but it will be easier on your heart if you know you tried. It will be easier on your future if you protect yourself while you try - your lawyer is there for that you need to listen to him... #1 is seeing your daughter, nothing can happen until that does, and don't let her think it can! Be strong - I wish you the best!!!
Re:confused... please help CoryL: I've often asked myself the same question of taking back my cheating wife if she wanted to come back. Luckily for me (weird saying that now) she doesn't since she decided she is fully gay. It makes it easier for me.
In my opinion, the bottom line comes down to trust. Do you think you can 100% trust that she will not cheat on you again? It is a Friday night and she says she is going out with her girlfriends. Do you believe her? Will you spend the entire night wondering where she is at? Will you keep the phone in your hand with her cell phone number ready to dial to check in on her?
I wouldn't be able to trust my STBX, so I decided that I wouldn't take her back if she did want to. I knew it would be perhaps the most difficult decision in my life, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I didn't trust my wife 100%. I'd be cheating myself.
I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but you have some serious soul searching and questions to ask yourself. Good luck with it all.
Keep your head up.
Re:confused... please help bella: I feel for you and am also a great believer in marriage and trying to make it work. That said I would really find it hard to take my husband back, and it must be harder for you as you are so far down the line. Try to listen to friends and people close to you and to your best instincts. Its a toughie I think that the most important thing is protecting yourself and ensuring that you get time with your daughter, the focus should be on you and your daughter. If she has really changed you need time to see that she carries through maybe you could take it step by step...put things on hold I don't the legal implications... Good Luck
Re:confused... please help tetutigre: Thanks guys for your words... it is really hard to go through all these feeling and all these thoughts... I guess the hardest part is to see what TRUE repentance involves... I mean, it's nothing that happens from one day to the other... but trying to figure out if it is really working out, if she really is trying... that's hard. :'(
I have been so frustrated, since nobody seems to be willing to help up to a certain extent... you know, can't get the police involved, and stuff... I know God is with me, and I have a supporting family and some friends... but I somehow feel so lonely... ???
This morning as I was reading my Bible, I got to read Psalm 18... that kinda made me feel sad...
7 In my distress I called out: LORD! I cried out to my God. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry to him reached his ears.
8 The earth rocked and shook; the foundations of the mountains trembled; they shook as his wrath flared up.
9 Smoke rose in his nostrils, a devouring fire poured from his mouth; it kindled coals into flame.
10 He parted the heavens and came down, a dark cloud under his feet.
20 He set me free in the open; he rescued me because he loves me.
21 The LORD acknowledged my righteousness, rewarded my clean hands.
22 For I kept the ways of the LORD; I was not disloyal to my God.
23 His laws were all before me, his decrees I did not cast aside.
24 I was honest toward him; I was on guard against sin.
25 So the LORD rewarded my righteousness, the cleanness of my hands in his sight.
26 Toward the faithful you are faithful; to the honest you are honest;
27 Toward the sincere, sincere; but to the perverse you are devious.
28 Humble people you save; haughty eyes you bring low.
... is this my reward? I know I should not feel this way, and I ask Him for forgiveness... but sometimes it is really hard to keep an objective eye when things are like this....
I think I'll start doing my little journal in this thread... it might help to vent all this out.
I went to counseling with my pastor last night, and he gave me for homework to write down the whole relationship on paper, noting the good and bad things from it... we were only married 4+ years, and being long-distance boyfriend/girlfriend for about 2 or 3... it's gonna be one tough assignment... and I am a teacher ;)
Tomorrow will be exactly 1 month since she left and took my daughter with her... Please don't let this thread die... I beg you. I need as much help as possible. Thanks.
