Just realized how happy I am... timetobefree: Wow...I just realized how happy I am! And it was a strange realization. Not just happy, but content, and satisfied with life. And all those things that come along with it. I knew I was happier without him, but wow, I was just thinking about a song that reminded me of him and it struck me like a ton of bricks. I really am happy, and like my name says, I am free! I felt so stuck in my marriage, so trapped, so unhappy. And now I am free to be me, to be happy, to be myself and live my life. And to love again.
For those of you who are new or don't remember my story, my ex cheated on me. I caught him in the act. But it was the best thing that ever happened to me because I would have never left had he not cheated. I didn't feel like my unhappiness was reason enough to leave. I was unhappy because he is an alcoholic, often staying out without me until 4 AM. I was unhappy because I think I knew deep in my heart he was cheating but I could never prove it and he always denied it. As a matter of fact, he still does to this day. The song I was thinking of is "Where Would You Be" by Martina McBride, and the chorus goes:
Where would you be
If you weren't here with me
Where would you go
If you were single and free
Who would you love
Would it be me
Where would you be
I couldn't listen to that song when we were married because I knew his answer. I knew he didn't want to be with me. But now I can, because he is no longer my problem. I am no longer wasting my energy trying to make him love me/be faithful to me. It is such a freeing feeling, a happy feeling, a joyful feeling, to not be trying so hard to control his behavior. And I just realized how freeing it is.
I know this post is full of rambling and probably doesn't make much sense. But I hope if you have read this far, thanks! And if you are still in the midst of the unbearable pain, I hope it helps. I really do! You will get to this point.
Amy :D
Re:Just realized how happy I am... sheydp: Congratulations!!!! ;D I am so happy for you! I know I will be there someday, too. Just making it day by day until I can say that...
Re:Just realized how happy I am... jen: ttbf:
That's just awesome! It makes sense to me!!!! I am so glad that you are happy and feel free to enjoy the happiness you are finding in your life. Good for you!
mtmo
Re:Just realized how happy I am... loshyra: Way to go AMY!!! You are at that point in your life were a lot of people wish that they could be. NEVER let anyone take that happiness away from you. If you are to remarry, be sure that it is someone that just makes that happiness even better...
DENISE :D
Re:Just realized how happy I am... bella: this really strikes a chord, my husband chose drugs and alcohol over the family and a great relationship. I fought for fifteen years to make the marriage work and for us to be a family. I so relate to those feelings of wanting to come first and accepting so much that was wrong staying out sleeping with other women spending family money lies and deceit. Your voice gives me great hope for the future and although I am suffering the pain of not being with my husband I hope I can get to that happy place and one day I will wake up with a feeling of relief. I thank you for sharing and hope soon I will be able to say the same..well done
