When to start 'dating'? itwillgetbetter: I am so sickened that my ex (while telling me he still wanted to work on things) took up with another woman from his office. I felt like he just wanted to keep me in his hip pocket in case she didn't respond to his moves. I still wake up at 3 in the morning thinking of them together and I get so ANGRY!!
I have applauded myself for not getting involved with anyone and I have gone to great lengths to surround myself with healthy safe people that respect where I am in the divorce process. I wanted to hold off until I had divorce papers to even date. I have been asked out and when I tell people I am seperated but not divorced I am surprised how many don't care. I would never date a separated person because I would not want to in any way be involved with keeping the 2 from reuniting. Also, I believe there is a healing period that a person needs to go thru and I don't think it is healthy to start a relationship at that time.
Now I am questioning myself and wondering well why shouldn't I go out and just get involved again. What harm will it do? So I was just wondering what others thought about getting involved again so quickly.........
Re: When to start 'dating'? pisces_goddess: ::) I'll just give you my story.. *L* I got involved with someone after I had moved out & just a few days bf the divorce was final.. It wasnt what I had planned.. it just happened but it has been a delightful & glorious experience so far.. We are both divorced & have had previous crappy relationships.. and we are moving very slowly. Neither one of us are looking to be married again.. I am enjoying the experience of not having a husband and of sharing this new independent person I have become with a man that appreciates my strength instead of trying to squash it. I feel very blessed & very lucky & I was ready.. not everyone is. Its your call sweetie, as to what your ready for. Make sure you do it for the right reasons... Just my 2 cents.. keep me posted : )
Re: When to start 'dating'? inebr: IMO it is probably not a good idea to date while being separated. Honestly, it just doesn’t make a lot of sense to my way of thinking. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that you wouldn’t feel comfortable dating a person who is separated because you wouldn’t want to be involved in them not reuniting, or reuniting, I might add, for that matter. For me, dating someone else at this point (being separated) would probably only make me want to go back to my stbx for all the wrong reasons. I don’t know, something about being around other men at this point would make me lonely for him. There is too much I need to deal with my current situation.
Re: When to start 'dating'? itwillgetbetter: I know we are suppose to be working on OURSELVES while going thru this. I have read enough self-help books to fill a library. But I truly don't know what I am suppose to be DOING. And I am a doer. Am I suppose to let time go by or what??
So what are we suppose to do to work on ourselves to make us better? And to be honest, I didn't think I was so bad when I got married in the first place.
Re: When to start 'dating'? down2basics: You have far more dignity and honor that 99% of the populace. While that may seem unfortunate for you - in the end, you'll be better for it. A lot of people "rebound" date..that is, jump in with both feet and in many cases remarry only to find themselves divorcing yet again. Those types of relationships are hollow and have no meaning...they are ego builders and hormone driven...nothing more.
I waited until I got my Rule 11 (pre-divorce decree) before dating again. At that point, there was no going back...the divorce would happen.
Hold to your principals - you'll be happier with yourself in the end!!
Hugs!!
d2b
