Should I Call? CatchMe: It's been a few months since I last posted and I thought I would solicit once again the Ojar gang’s thoughtful advice and opinions. Next month will mark my one-year divorce anniversary. Things have been going fine so far with the occasional bump or two until this past Tuesday a day before my ex’s birthday a friend of my ex called my house in the morning after I left for work and left a message saying she was just calling old friends and acquaintances to see how we were both doing and wishing us well. Apparently she doesn’t know we are divorced. She left her phone number to call her back sometime to chat. The last time my ex’s friend had called the house and left a message was during our separation last year. With all the turmoil going on and the state of mind I was in at that time, I never passed the message to my ex since she had already moved out, or even called this friend back, which I was meaning to, but had lost this friend’s new phone number. That call last year was the first that I know of since we had lost contact with this friend when she moved to another city nearby.
To give you some history, this friend is the one who introduced me to my ex. Before I met my ex, when I was living an apartment this friend was a neighbor living below me. She was an acquaintance to me at that time. My dilemma is I want to call this friend back, but so far everyone I have spoken to about this call says do you think your ex has put her up to calling me in a way of checking on what I've been up to. Other than one out-of-the-blue call, which I didn’t answer from my ex’s work this past March, I haven’t had any contact with my ex since October of last year.
I really don't think my ex is behind this latest call, but I keep thinking back before I met my ex when this friend came up to my apartment in the morning while I was getting ready for work asking me if I had heard someone the night before playing a loud musical instrument, which I clearly didn’t hear that night. Then before she left telling me she had a friend (my ex) who she would like to introduce me to. Later I concluded my ex’s friend used the loud music disturbance as an excuse to hook me up with my ex. Could she really be calling with a similar ploy, but with different intensions? I mean this friend is a really nice lady and I don't think she would do that. One of my lady friends who doesn’t know this friend thought for a split-second she might have an interest in me, but that is far from the case, she is much older, in her late 40’s (not that I haven’t dated much older woman) and has a live-in BF, which I don’t even know if they have married yet. Maybe I am just reading too much into this situation or just paranoid delusions are racking my brain. Now I feel if I call this friend back, I’ll have my guard up and feel awkward telling her, the ex and I are no longer married. :-[ Should I call her back?
Thanks for you input.
Re: Should I Call? JimB: There's no need to make it any more complicated than it has to be. If you want to talk to her, call her. If you don't, don't.
If this person is truly your friend, it won't matter what you tell her. I would think if she was really your friend, you'd want to talk to her. It sounds like she's not really your friend - she's a friend of your ex. As such, you don't owe her any more than you do a stranger passing on the street. You don't have to be responsible for breaking the news that you're no longer married unless you want to.
And say she is on a fact finding mission for your ex. So what? What's she really going to find out - that you're doing just fine thank you very much? Do you really have anything to hide?
Re: Should I Call? achingallover: I'm with JimB, CatchMe. I say, if this is a friendship that is important to you and you'd like to carry on, call her. If it is not a friendship that you'd like to have a future with, don't. Only invest based upon the level of relationship you would like to have with this person. Look inside yourself and see if this relationship is one you want or not.
Good luck! ;)
