Wife wants separation, I don't!
Wife wants separation, I don't! DazednConfused: After several months of going back and fourth on the subject, my wife has finally said that she needs a separation. Several months back, I had a suspicion that there was something going on. I found an email that said she was going to tell me she wanted to split. That was back in November. I confronted her about it, and we talked and resolved things for awhile. We began to get along better for awhile, then there would be a blow up and she would again talk of separating. Over the course of the past several months the isues she has had with me have come to light. She was feeling neglected, like I didn't share in the responsiblities of housework, I didn't show enough affection. I have changed, I thought for the better. I have been very attentive, been cleaning the house, laundry, always trying to show her love. It seems as if my actions have begun to drive her even farther away. Whenever I try to bring up my feelings, she says she feels like I am smohtering her and she doesn't want to talk. Tonight she we spent the day together and enjoyed each other's company. This evening, we got into a small argument and then she tells me that all of the resentment she has built up over the past few years had finally made her give up, and the only reason she stayed was because she was hoping things would change. Now that things have been changing, she says she thinks it may be too late. She tells me she still loves me very much, as do I, but the feelings of resentment are still there and she is having a hard time getting past them. She says she needs time to sort out her feelings. This has me very confused, hurt, and sad. I don't want to separate but if she feels that is what she needs I guess I don't have a choice. Tomorrow night after work we're supposed to work out the details. I am sooo scared that this will be the end of our marriage. I love her so much, and she says she loves me to. I just don't understand
CoryL: Welcome to OJAR. I'm glad you found this site. It will be very helpful to you in the future. Read around and post as often as you feel you need to. It will help and no one will mind.
You've endured a lot. There is so much emotion inside the two of you right now that it is difficult to say what one should do. If you don't want to seperate and she still has these feelings of resentment, maybe going to a marriage counselor would help. See if she would be willing to give that a try and if it doesn't help, tackle the seperation issue then.
Keep your head up.
twetifb: DazednConfused~ Wow, sounds like you could be my husband! I can relate to your story because this is how I assume my husband will feel when I finally decide to tell him I'm leaving. For me, I think there has just been too much damage over the years to make it right now. Maybe I am the one to blame for getting to this point because I can't let things go and I'm getting tired of trying to make everything better. He too is like you in the sense that he has made an effort to the things I've mentioned in the past. Such has helping with the housework, laundry, grocery shopping, little hugs and kisses. Since he began doing more, I've pushed even further away. Not sure why, but in a way it was because I no longer felt like he needed me to do everything. Which is what I wanted, but was a rude awakening since I'd been doing it ALL for so many years. He loves me very much and I love him more than anyone in the world...but in my opinion sometimes that just isn't enough. Just because you love someone doesn't mean that you are meant to share the day to day life experiences. For me, I think that I'm just one of those people who will be better off alone...even though it scares me!