Your Daily Horriblescopes. 2/2 RecoveringinDE: YOUR DAILY HORRIBLESCOPE –
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will have trouble with the telephone, in which, no matter what number you call, you reach "Mo's Leather Emporium." Don't take it lightly.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
E-coli. It's what's for dinner!
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today you will rush around in a tizzy. It will be sort of fun, actually, since the tizzy handles well, and has more than enough power to make an exciting ride.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You'll feel a little tired and run down, today. Just a hunch, but that could explain those tire tracks on your shirt, as well...
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will discover a strange-looking thing in your underwear drawer. Best not to tell anyone.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will take a wrong turn, today, and become hopelessly lost. Eventually you will start a new life in Minnesota, along with all the other people who have little sense of direction. It'll be ok, providing you like tuna casserole.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Do not leave home without a ball of twine, today. You won't actually need it, but it'll make you feel better to be prepared.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Fortune will smile upon you today. Actually, it's more of a smirk.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Go nowhere without a flotation device, for a few days. You never know.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Remember - every cloud has a silver lining, and every problem is an opportunity in disguise. So next time you see a problem, just imagine it without the fake nose and glasses.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You'll find a penny when you are out for a walk. Surprisingly, it will be the key to a wonderful change in your life. The trick is just to figure out what you can do with a penny, these days.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good day to call an old friend, and reminisce. (It turns out to be much much harder to reminisce with a new friend.)
