stbx is wigging out ratchet5: I am almost at a loss for words here!! (Not really I can always talk :)) I'm really just wondering what the heck happened.
We have now been separated for a month, the last week or so had not spoken except for a few necessary and cordial emails. Then Mon. night he emails me and says, "The federal income tax check is here. Do I get any of it, I forgot what you told me!! Let me know!!" I have told him from day one half of it was his, how can you FORGET this. So I write back, "half of it is rightfully yours." And he replies "Then we need to get it signed." Now I have asked him 3-4 times if he wants to proceed with a divorce, NO ANSWER, and in the beginning I had played around with the idea of a do-it-yourself internet divorce, but all of my friends and coworkers say not to do this, hire a lawyer, because if you don't something will get missed and you'll end up fighting about it, and I have told him this. So about 2 minutes after the "Sign the check email" I get one that just says Check this Out, with a weblink attached. It's to a do-it yourself website for like $249. Now I'm not saying I am not willing to get the divorce, but how rude can you be to not say anything, just send a link to a website!! Anyway, I set here and stew over it, and end up writing back, that although I am open to divorce proceedings, I will be obtaining a lawyer to do that for me. And I go on to explain, I think that is the safest route, and also I don't have time right now to take care of the internet route, have worked 70 hours in the last 7 days, on top of taking care of my child and everything else. And I know I would be the one to do everything, just like I had to do the taxes, cause he doesn't have a clue about that stuff. I work evenings, and he works nights, so I know our schedules don't mesh very often. So I tell him if will just sign the check and leave it in my mailbox, I'll take it to the bank and drop his half in his mail slot. To make a long story short, he flips out on me, we end up writing like 10 emails to each other, and everyone of them gets worse on his part. He called me about 8 really bad names in one, and on and on. Of course I can be nice for only so long, so I start slinging back, but didn't call him any names. He ended with saying "You just know I need the money, and you are trying to hold this check over my head like a prize, it will be here when you decide you want it!!" He wanted to meet at the bank to sign it, and in one email I said "just tell me when and where." But he just ignored that and kept up with the hatefulness. He is still going strong with his 22 year old Norway EA. In fact she thinks shes gonna come and visit this summer. Fine, come on over, but why did he get so hateful over a stupid check? Is it because I decided I wanted a lawyer? I thought we were coexisting well. And he just blows like some freaking mental patient over nothing!! I don't understand it, he even told me he hated me, and he has never said that before. Sorry for the long thread, just really confused and even hurting a little over this, I didn't think any of my ideas were that bad. Does anybody have any input into why he would just start acting like this out of the blue. Did I do or say something wrong?? :-[
Re:stbx is wigging out bill23: Hey Ratchet, it doesn't seem like you did or said anything wrong to prompt that explosion from his side. My only guess would be that he's got a lot of feelings and emotions surrounding you and this is his only (immature) way of expressing them. He probably feels guilty about a lot of what he's done (and is doing) and also has warm feelings towards you but is likely unable to deal with, let alone express them, in a mature fashion. This sounds very much like a child throwing a self-righteous tantrum to cover up when they messed up. But, please do take that with a huge grain of salt as I'm on the outside... best of luck to you, though... sounds like you have a handful!
Re:stbx is wigging out Jennicole: im sorry, but i dont really agree with gumby. i think that you getting upset over the link he sent you is probably what started the fight, i also think that you are probably leaving out some of what you may have said. telling him you knew you would be the one to do everything cause thats how it always is? did you really expect a 'your right i am a stupid lazy pos' email?? you get what you give ratchet. you cant expect to send emails like that and him not read between the lines and get upset.
no offense.
Re:stbx is wigging out ratchet5: No offense taken Jenni,
But you have to realize that this man has done absolutely nothing for himself in the last 10 years. Hasn't payed a bill or made a phone call. Hell if we went to a restuarant that you had to speak your order, like Sonic, then he would trade me places, because he "Doesn't like talking to those people" So when I say I will be the one doing everything, it shouldn't be a big surprise to him, he made me do everything!!
And no, I didn't expect any lovey dovey email from him, but I don't understand where he went from, we got the check, to sending me a divorce website, to calling me every name in the book and hating me. I will admit my emails back may not have been NICE, but I didn't say anything to him that would constitute him responding like he did. I decided a couple of weeks ago that I wasn't gonna fight with him, so why the hatefulness from him all of a sudden, when up to now, he has been too nice, to be truthful. Before it was all smiles, and do you want this, need this, blah, blah. Now it's I hate you!! Just trying to understand the sudden turn around!!
Re:stbx is wigging out ratchet5: cont.
And then today, I get an email from him saying, "So are we going to cash the check or what? You need to come pick up your mail anyway!" No mention of the hateful things we exchanged over the last few days, and as I told him 2-3 times, if you aren't willing to put it in my mailbox, then let me know when to meet you at the bank. Again no time, no nothing, just like the last few days didn't happen. I think I am losing my freaking mind, he doesn't listen to anything I say, and then wants me to pretend he didn't day anything either. I am almost to the point I can't take it anymore!! :-[
