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Sure could use some help!

Sure could use some help! Ken: I just found this website and I must say you people are very nice and friendly.

Everyday for the last month I've had such negative thoughts on life. I can seem to get my emotions in order. I'm always thking of her and I'm crying more now that at any time in my life. My divorce will be final on 09112003, and to be honest it scares me more than anything else ever.

I've been a truck driver for the last six years and I met my future Ex two months after I started. I know she want's the divorce because I was not as romantic as I should have been, but I tried, and because I jumped alot of jobs in this time period. The reason for the job jumping was I would call home and she would be crying and missing me. So I'd quit and go home to try and comfort her. Well after about a week or two she would tell me it was ok to go back out on the road. I understand that she needed a stable homelife but I did my best to keep her happy.

Now I'm sitting here listening to our wedding songs and it's hurting alot. Everytime I think I'm getting better I just slip right down to the bottom of the barrell again. You wanna know the funny part! She tells me that after the divorce is final that she want's to go back to being boyfriend/girlfriend. Is that odd or is it just me?

Thanks for any reply's!

Feeling lonely in this empty apartment.


<Michael deleted the email address - please email Ken for his email address>
pisces_goddess: Ken,
First of all I want to say Im sorry you are going through this and welcome to OJAR.. it really is the place to be when you are going through something like this...
Since I dont know your whole story, I can only tell you what I relate to in your thread.. My ex used to travel all the time for his job too, we never really knew any other life other than him being gone, he would come home for a minute or a week and life would turn upside down, good times and bad, and then he would be gone again.. I had major abandonment issues after awhile of this.. he wasnt as understanding as you though, he would just tell me I was being stupid and to get over it.. go figure.. anyway, as soon as he stopped traveling? Our marriage melted faster than a snowcone on a beach,, neither one of us knew how to be together on a day to day along with a whole lotta other crap, we ended up divorced.. so my question I suppose is.. Has she told you what it is she wants? If its being b/f and g/f she wants why is that going to be any different than being married? where is she going with this? Sounds like you are in a lot of pain and I am so sorry to ever see anyone going through this... Just dont get caught in limbo land with it.. (a place we talk about alot here on ojar ;D) find as much support as you can and try to figure out what it is you want.. take care of yourself and feel free to stick around..this place is a lifepreserver in a rocky sea! Feel free to IM or email me anytime! Best of luck

 Bob-Bob: Hey Ken,

Wlecome to OJAR!!!
Yeah, I know that feeling of loneliness all to well right now...
It does seem strange to want to go back to being BF/GF to me...

I can really relate to slipping down to the bottom of the barrel...
or feeling like an emotional Yo-YO... or riding that rollercoaster!!!
I think you'll see everyone on here can relate to it.

I see that you included what she wanted in your post.... but what is it that you want?
maybe you should ask yourself "Would you be willing to go back to being her BF instead of her husband?" ... and if so "WHY?" or "Why Not?"

IMO , Rather than focusing on what she wants right now... You should try to be decisive in what you want... Start thinking about YOU!!!

Hang in there man...
 brynne: Ken,
You are not alone, everyone of us on this site is facing the possibility of the ending of our marriage. It sounds like you guys could try counseling, if she'll go before you decide to divorce. Insurance usually covers a few sessions at least. But in my opinion, you should give it the marriage 150% effort to fix it before calling it quits, otherwise you will always wonder if maybe it could have worked out.
You should not listen to love songs from your wedding day, when I hear the song we had our first dance to, I turn it immediately...that's just self-tourture !
The folks here are very supportive & are just like a divorce support group but you can go anytime & talk about what concerns you.
Good luck !
 JimB: Hi and welcome.

Just a quick impression. Has it occurred to you that you could probably save your marriage by changing careers? Is that something that's come up? Is it something you'd consider? If you love what you do so much that you wouldn't change it to save your marriage, you must really love it. So at least you have that.

You know, it really will get better. Just keep yourself busy, so you can take your mind off it from time to time. And yeah - listening to songs from the wedding is a super bad idea. Try hitting yourself in the head with a hammer instead - it'll hurt less. :-\

Good luck.

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