You Might be an EMT... Phyxius: You might be an EMT if...
*You find humor in other people's stupidity...
*You believe that 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm...
*Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you...
*Your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change...
*You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac...
*You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see...
*You automatically assume the patient is a drug seeker when presented with a complaint of: (choose one ): migraine, lower back pain, chronic myalgia and , a list of numerous allergies to meds (except Demerol),the statement that the family doctor is from out of town...
*You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis...
*You have discovered a new condition that you call "hypo-Xanax-emia"...
*You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce...
*You believe that "Ask-a-Nurse" is an evil plot thought up by Satan...
*You believe that having an ambulance at a "Health Fair" was his next idea...
*You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet" is uttered...
*You say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers ...
*You don't think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is inappropriate...
*You have ever answered a "lost condom" call...
*You refer to someone in severe respiratory distress as a "smurf"...
*Your idea of a good time is dueling shock rooms...
*You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide...Doing It Right"...
*You feel that most suicide attempts should be given a free subscription to "Guns and Ammo" magazine...
*You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis...
*You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there"...
*You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably...
*You think that caffeine should be available in I.V. form...
*You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience...
*You have witnessed the charge nurse muttering down the hallway "Who's in charge of this mess anyway?"...
*You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain...
