Need help on this one justme15: For those of you that do not know my story. I iwll explain as short as possible.
Well Me and H have been together for about 15 years. About a year and half ago I went thru a very bad depression (it took 6 months to find out what it was).
Anyway I got help, took meds and went to therpy. The whole time the only thing H could say was where is my wife. All that and no help from him. It got really bad even thought about killing myself. Again remember I got help, then he says I can't handle this and not sure I am in love with you anymore. We talked and decided to try and put it bak together. He never came home at times and would not talk to about anything and he called this trying. That is the shortest way to tell this. Now to the here and now.
I moved away to give him, me and the kids some space and time to think and heal some. Up till Jan. we did everything a married couple does even when Separted.
Now he says he wants to stay this way for while longer then we should think about divorce. Well I tried to talk to him and find out things. He says now he is tried of hearing somethings over and over again. So I say maybe till we are in the same house and state together. We should have no contact. No emails or phone calls nothing. He says that is not what I want. I want to talk and be friends. yeah right
Anyway after telling him this he will call after the kids are gone for school. And want to tell me what he is doing and want to know everything that is going on here. I have tried to explain again and again I need this time for thinking and getting things together for me and the kids. He still calls and emails.
My question is why is he being so selfish? Why can't he just give me time and space. I have giving him what he wanted is what I am asking so much.................don't understand
Any help would be great..........I thank you ahead of time
Re:Need help on this one teacherwriterguy: Absolutely sounds like he is in 'selfish' mode - I think a lot of people, good and bad, go through this at decision moment. They can't focus on taking care of anyone other than themselves - maybe it's a natural protective instinct?
For what it's worth, I think the idea of "Let's go on like this for a bit and then get divorced" is so unfair to you. How can you go on normally when you know the end result is divorce?
No contact is hard when it's not respected. Just try to keep conversations short and deflect things that push past lines that you don't want crossed.
You absolutely have the right.
twg
Re:Need help on this one justme15: Thank you TWG
I have been doing just that keeping it short as possible. Then he sounds sad when I get ready to go, I shouldn't but find it kind of funny.
My girls will ask when I tell them he has called why does he call when we are in school? They answer it themselves he wants more but does not know how to do that.
Thank you for the words of wisdom
Pooh
Re:Need help on this one Lonelyi in PA: sometimes when we marry the spouse seems to forget the vow: for better or worse.
For whatever reason some people seem to be unable to handle the worse part and are ill-equipped to deal with problems. They run away from them and hide their head in the sand. They are only in for the good times.
Depression is serious, I was depressed when I was younger.. and its good to have a support system. I am sorry that for whatever reason your husband was unable to deal with it. He may have some personal issues therapy would help resolve. But the depression isn't your fault and hopefully he's not trying to pin the blame on you.
Re:Need help on this one snowyheart: hey there ya'll. Justme, I don't understand, you left him right? So, you temporarily broke up your family. Maybe I misunderstood your explanation of what happened.
I guess my point is, your husband, although seemingly unsupportive, didn't ever leave his family or wife so why do you feel as though he is the one to blame for your situation. "for better or worse"...it means you stay even when it's worse.
But like I said, maybe I misunderstood your explanation of what happened. If you left, go back. He doesn't beat you right? You love him right? You don't want a divorce right? So go home.
