Story of Three AlterDecko: So you want to know my story...
Facts:
Know eachother for 6 yrs
Married for 1.5 yrs
'Separated' for a week (i know...feels like forever)
One Son ... turns 3 on apr 12th
Problem
She says that she doesnt love me as a wife should love a husband. She is missable around me, and doesnt want to be with me. There are some trust issues, on both sides, but never cheated on each other. I am also paironord about her 'guy' friends, and a possiable and controling guy.
Situation
I of course want to save the marriage and work on these faults. She told me how she felt at the beginning of feb and that whole month all i did was ask for another chance and say i am going to change. There was alot of crying and fighting. She said that I needed to just give her space and we couldnt be doing all this in front of joel. I do agree with that. I hate fighting with her and such, I just want it to be the way it was. She said that she wants the marriage to be better, and me to be a better person (but not for her, for myself and my son). She also says that there isn not any garantee that she will ever love me and we will get back together. All she said was that nothing good was going to happen til i was out of the apt. So, march 14th i 'kinda' moved onto my friends couch, and am 'trying' to give her space. I am not a strong guy though. I have done dumb things. It has only been a week, and i have called and begged and cryed. It is just soo hard. Chris is 21 and a player and doesnt relate to the situation. My parents dont care about the issue, and i dont have alot of friends. I jsut want the marriage to work out, but for some reason i cannot give her space. I dont know what she is doing. If it is tough love or what. She now is saying that based on me doing dumb things (going threw her stuff, calling her, etc etc), that we will 'probly' never get back together cause i am never going to change, and even if i do then she doesnt know if she will ever love me again.
I am affraid of this stuff. I believe that if i give her space we will get back together, but i am also scared of getting hurt. I am soo upset about this. My life is soo empty and all, I just dont know what to do!!!
Re:Story of Three dreamjewel2000: I know its hard i dont have any family or friends around me and i am trying to get out of a relationship. Maybe you should try to suggest counseling to her and in the meantime take up a hobby, as hard as it is to do it you have to do something to give your mind a rest. Maybe jogging, or the gym. I think that its great to make sure that it is clear to her that you love her and want her back, but maybe she needs some time to get her mind in order, and plus after not having heard from you for a few days may help her to get the opportunity to miss you, and maybe she will call you.
Re:Story of Three AlterDecko: I am looking for councel right now. She before I left said we would need that, but i also said i would leave her alone :'( GOD! I just need to relax. The councel says that the only way it will work is if both parties want it to work. i dont know if she is saying alot of this cause she is pissed or what. I was just over there tonight, and i was rubbing her feet and all. Things were going good, til her cell went off and i got noisey. Then she yelled at me and said to get out and i am just proving that i will never change. I need to jsut trust in the situation.
The Question is...
How do i get her to come back to me. To love me, to miss me, to want me around. The best thing that she loved about me was that i got her flowers and kissing and such. but how do i use that if i cannot kiss or get her things, yet alone talk to her about the situation between us???
Re:Story of Three DazednConfused: AlterDecko,
Your story sounds very similar to mine. Wife moved out 2 weeks ago. She had been telling me for some time that she needed space. The more she tried to distance herself, the more tightly I clung to her. She kept telling me all I was doing was driving her farther away, till eventually she decided to move out. The first few days she left were the most difficult. I continued to do the same thing, constantly calling, emailing, just smothering her. Last weekend I stepped back and really examined what I have become. I have always been a very laid back, easy going person my entire life. I realized I have become the exact opposite. This past week I have backed off, stopped calling, etc. A strange thing happened. After she didn't hear from me for a couple of days, she has been calling me. We went out together this evening and had the best night together we've had in a very long time. It made me realize that I need to have faith in my wife. She obviously saw something in me in the past that made her say I DO. I'm sure that you wife saw that same something in you too. Give her some time, and some space. I know sometimes it seems unbearable to not pick up the phone, but YOU HAVE TO STOP YOURSELF! Have faith in her. Take a long hard honest look at yourself. Take this time to concentrate on you. You'll be surprised how your wife responds when she sees you taking care of you, and not harping on the situation your relationship in in. Who wants constant conflict? You both know there is a problem, and it is something you need to work on both on your own and together. But when it becomes the only topic you talk about it will drive her away. I was in your shoes just a week ago. Just be patient, and be strong. Make yourself happy and it WILL make your wife happy.
Re:Story of Three riversandlakes: [quote author=AlterDecko link=board=1;threadid=9091;start=0#msg71879 date=1111210580">
I am looking for councel right now. She before I left said we would need that, but i also said i would leave her alone :'( GOD! I just need to relax. The councel says that the only way it will work is if both parties want it to work. i dont know if she is saying alot of this cause she is pissed or what. I was just over there tonight, and i was rubbing her feet and all. Things were going good, til her cell went off and i got noisey. Then she yelled at me and said to get out and i am just proving that i will never change. I need to jsut trust in the situation.
The Question is...
How do i get her to come back to me. To love me, to miss me, to want me around. The best thing that she loved about me was that i got her flowers and kissing and such. but how do i use that if i cannot kiss or get her things, yet alone talk to her about the situation between us???
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That's a lot to ask from the man, isn't it? she wants space, and she must have it no matter what. With the guy friends hanging around...did she ever promise to really think and not be influenced by outside unhealthy-to-marriage thoughts? Mine didn't. She asked for space and time AND at the same time continue as usual with OM (colleague). Her excuse was "He's my colleague!" Well, f**k it, I don't have THAT MANY things to say to my female colleauges!
It seems to be your fault and your fault and your fault. If she wanted to work it out why kill the communication?
Just what is this "need space" thing? Just what is this? Do guys do this? I can't imagine myself ever saying this!
In the end, perhaps it is truly about "if it doesn't return, it was never meant to be." That, however, doesn't deal with the hurt and sadness :'(
