Less than a month will be divorced.. Need advice..
The divorce will be final in less than a month The day my wife left in October she was saying she wanted a divorce. At the time she was having an affair with a married man. She now tells me that it is over but still wants the divorce. Its only been 5 months and I feel everything has happened so fast. People are telling me that she hasnt really thought everything through. That this is too short of a time and that she may regret this in months to come.
A coworker whose husband told her that he wanted a divorce and that he didnt love her anymore is now after 11 months begging her to come home. I am wondering if that will happen with my wife. Is 5 months too short and will she change her mind in months to come? Or once the divorce if final she will not have a change of heart? The thing is we still talk and she know that I do not want this divorce and that I still love her. I guess she know she come back at any time but I cant understand why she is so set on this divorce with out even once trying to work things out or having some doubt.
I guess what Im trying to figure out is since everything happended so fast, is there a time where she will look back and regret rushing things? I feel like she just left yesterday.
CD
Re:Less than a month will be divorced.. Need advice.. teacherwriterguy: My thoughts - I don't think the 'leaver' spouse in a marriage will come back as long as they know the offer is always out there - if that makes any sense?
It's not game playing - you don't retract the offer in order to encourage them to come back. But, when the one spouse is leaving and the other one is present and waiting in the hopes that they'll change their mind, there's such a power imbalance.
I just think the only advice - and we give it all the time here - is to just refocus on yourself alone. Try to put yourself in the headspace of imagining and dealing with life if she doesn't come back. Whatever she decides, you'll be moving to a healthier place.
Maybe she will get to a point where she looks back and regrets things. Maybe she'll even ask to come back - but if you've been focusing on yourself, you can then see that choice clearly and make that decision from a position of empowerment rather than need.
Sorry - looking above not sure if this came across as harsh - not meant that way if it did. :)
twg
Re:Less than a month will be divorced.. Need advice.. riversandlakes: Good, scot, twg, that is very good advice. Straight to the point and the reasoning ;)
Re:Less than a month will be divorced.. Need advice.. A002702: Your right, And Ive been doing really good but when she calls I melt and fall back to the old feelings.
Cd
Re:Less than a month will be divorced.. Need advice.. teacherwriterguy: [quote"> And Ive been doing really good but when she calls I melt and fall back to the old feelings. [/quote">
I know - I know. How can you not look back at the person as a spouse and a partner? That's a huge transition to separate yourself just from the mindset of seeing the other person as being "with you" - that's what no contact or limited contact helps so much with.
Keep the bigger picture in mind. Everyone will end up healthier and happier for it.
twg
