An upbeat update lostinlife: Hello to all - I have missed you all greatly. I thought that I should come back to the board and give an update and an explanation on why I have been absent for so long.
With the new house, I thought that a new start should be done cleanly. I wanted to focus on the positive and not the negative. When I was posting, I tended to focus more on the negative and I wanted to give us a fighting chance.
SO - here is the update.
Today is my husband's birthday. I thought it fitting that I update on his birthday. We moved into the new house in the first part of January. So far we have had to deal with a boiler system that likes to be persnickity - and a well pump that decided it had was done. If either of these problems had occured even 8 months ago, it would have sent both of us into a tailspin. Thankfully, we have grown and are becoming a stronger couple daily.
For those that remember, my husband prefers sarcasim to any other form of communicaton. The two of us discussed this problem and we are both making a very concerted effort to be positive when speaking to each other. We decided that if what we wanted to say was going to either be hurtful or sarcastic, that we would instead replace it with the phrase "I Love You". In the beginning, it was a difficult task. After all, years of doing one thing is hard to change over night. But we figured we had to keep trying. Not only were the words not hurtful that way, but it was also a reminder of what we were fighting for. Our love.
So far, he has not gone into the depression that was the mainstay in our marriage for so long. Because he is bipolar, and refuses to get any sort of help or medication (he still does not think he has a problem), I know that the depression will come back. The true test of all of the work that we have been doing together will come at that moment. I am hopeful that we will get through it together and that because of all of the positives that we are focusing on together, the depression will not be as bad or as long lived as the previous bouts. I have begun to forgive him for all that has past, as well as forgiving myself for my own part in the downfall of our marriage. I have had to release and let go of all of the hurt and anger that I was carrying around. For in order to move forward with him, I had to stop looking back. I had to trust that this is what we both want and believe that it could be done. Otherwise, regardless of everything else, it would fail - AGAIN.
Your wondering why I am bothering to post when things are going well? I wanted to let all who are hoping to save their marriages that, occasionally, it can be done - when both are willing to work it out and let go of the past. If you are trying to save your marriage - and it is not an abusive one - then do it. Work at it more that you have ever worked at anything before. Let the past be that, past. It can't be changed. You can only learn from it and move forward. Since the future has yet to be written, take pen in hand and start today.
My best to everyone who helped me through the most difficult times, and my love to all who were there regardless. I have missed you all very much, and wish that I could join the April OJAR gathering, but will be on spring break with my kids in a different state. I hope that some of you will send a pm to me and let me know how you have been.
Hugs!
LiL
