giving a guy the wrong idea? browngreen: I got asked out last night in a "date" sort of way.
Luckily, I didn't have to answer right away.
I told him I'm getting divorced and we talked about past relationships some.
Suddenly I feel thrust into a world where I don't know the language, or really understand what is happening.
Does that make sense?
He said something I wasn't comfortable with--- the bar we were at playing pool and eating peanuts in had porn on the ladie's room walls. I walked out of the bathroom feeling defiled and mentioned that I didn't appreciate the artwork (I never go out to bars). He said I couldn't be THAT prissy, and he bets I only "act " innocent until I'm alone with a man in a bedroom...
WTF?
I just said "I'm not going to respond to that" and he got the hint. He didn't mention anything like that again and was very polite.
BUt should I have left then and there?
He's been fun to know the little bit that I do. He's the sort of friend I see once a week in class, where, if he walks by, I might try to trip him, and later on, he pretends to drop something on my foot. Just silly "Hey, you could use a smile" kinds of acknowledgements that to me means "You and I both need an outlet for spontaneous fun." period.
He smokes, and is leaving in May for good. I am still married....
I suppose I have three good reasons to decline the invitaion that aren't personal, but I'm afraid of undoing the last couple months of getting to know him the little that I do---something tells me he's a loyal friend, and so far, he's been open minded and a good listener to me.
But I wonder.... is the creepy comment a red flag for me that I don't really want to be his friend, or can't, or whatever, or is it something I should overlook?
The thing is that I really have liked the light hearted-tripping him, and laughing thing. It's in my realm of what I can handle for now. But maybe it jusy gives him the wrong idea and has come to pass?
BG
Re:giving a guy the wrong idea? teacherwriterguy: Could be that his comment was a way of testing the waters to see what kind of dialogue and interaction you were open to?
It's a good sign at least that when he saw you weren't interested in that conversation that he respected that and backed off.
I don't think you've passed any irreparable threshold or are giving him false ideas from what it sounds like. You are pretty good about making your boundaries clear to people.
I'd just play it cool :)
twg
Re:giving a guy the wrong idea? Beren: This is one of those things that women find hard to understand about men. I don't know how well I can explain it.
First, men are generally poor at reading body language. I think one study went as far to say that they're about a factor of 10 worse than women. Why? I don't know. I think most men would LOVE to be better at this than they are, but I think nature decided men would be better served with some optimized spear-throwing circuitry at the expense of reading body language.
Second, men pursue women simply because they must. If they wait around and do nothing, nothing happens, except maybe once in a great while. My coworker for example, is (in my opinion) a total d!ck, but he gets more @$$ than a toilet seat because he pursues women constantly.
Actually, I have a lot more to say on this, but I have to go to a meeting. :( I guess to be brief, I'd say that I don't think this guy meant any offense, and if you like him as a friend, you should cut him some slack if he crosses the line every now and then. "The line" is where *you* say it is, and since men can't read minds at all, and can read body language only poorly (and yet are encumbered with the responsibility of initiating dating) it's actually quite remarkable that men and women get along at all.
GB
Re:giving a guy the wrong idea? HDSquirrel: BG, if he creeped you out, I'd keep things at a friend level only. Personally, having been through what I've been through, I'd hit the highway if someone started insinuating that I might be something other than what I am, as it hints (to me at least) that he'd LIKE me to be that way, and I'm so NOT, nor do I wish to be.
I really wish I could say to give him another chance, but creepy feelings early on are usually there for a reason.
Re:giving a guy the wrong idea? hollygolightly: According to Oprah, that little voice that makes you think, "Ewww," is a little whisper of caution. He sounds creepy to me. I'd pass on a date with this one...
