my first post Lilsara: Here I go...my first post. I'll try to make this short and sweet.
I'm 25 and have dated the first man I ever loved for the past 2 1/2 years...I knew very early on he was going to be special. He's in the Marine Corps which made our relationship challenging. Four months after we started dating he was deployed for 6 1/2 months to Iraq. I stayed faithful and we got very close through letters and emails. He came home for 7 months before he was deployed AGAIN to Iraq for 7 1/2 months. I never once stopped loving him. Fromt he first deployment, he would tell me when he came back that he wanted to get out of the Corps, go back to PA where he's from and live "a simple life" with me. After a lot of me asking him "are you sure this is what you want" I applied to grad school out there at the end of 2004.
Without talking to me about it, he decided to re-enlist. I was sad but said I would support him and do whatever it took to be with him (I even told him I would put off school so I could stay wherever he was stationed)...until he told me that the job he would be doing would take him out of the country for the next three years.
Our decline, started in Feb. when he got angry at me because I called him crying saying I missed him. For two weeks which included V-day and my birthday and interviews for schools he didn't talk to me and finally when I got him to, he got mad at me, said it wouldn't work and he didn't love me anymore. And that was it, no explanation - he doesn't call or answer my calls. How could he just 180 like that after everything? And here I can't hate him b/c we are supposed to "support the troops" etc etc. What about me?
So much for short...that's the italian in me.
Re:my first post Beren: Is your goal to get over him or to win him back? I'm guessing the latter. You might want to look into a book entitled "Divorce Remedy" by Michele Weiner-Davis. Look for the section on the "Last Resort Technique" and put it into practice.
Basically, it means you just back off completely until he wonders why the heck you're not chasing him any more.
Grizzly Beren
Re:my first post AmyMarie1972: Frid is right, war changes people. It is not your fault or his.
You must get on with your life. Give him some space and time. I doubt that he meant it when he said that he didn't love you anymore, it is just something that they say to make you go. He will be hurting too.
Don't call him for a while. Don't write to him for a while. Let him come to terms with whatever has happened to him first. The maybe send him a short letter letting him know that you are OK and what you are up to in life. Thank him for the great times that the two of you had together and tell him that you will never forget him but don't tell him that you love him and miss him. He needs to know that you are doing OK. Go to school make new friends, tell him all about it and how well you are doing. You need to get the communications back. But the first thing that you really need to do is give him some time and space.
Good luck
Re:my first post Dunno: I have read some really good advice here. Yes, war changes people and I am guessing your guy does care about you but in this time he feels it best to let you go. It is hard enough to be at war wihtout wondering about what/whp you left at home, I would imagine. Amy has some sound advice there, show him you are getting on in life, talk to him about all the things you are doing and have done, maybe even plan to do. Saying "i love you" can be to heavy right now. I don't have his mind, but I really doubt he had hurting you on his mind. I will pray for you both. And may you graduate and live a god life....God Bless
Re:my first post Lilsara: Dunno, Amy, Frid, & Grizzly,
Thank you so much for your advice. They really do need more help for wartime relationships. It's funny in my head I know all the right things that I need to do, but my heart is moving so much slower. Thank you so much for helping...it's good to know there are good people in this world looking out for other people even if they are strangers. Take care of yourselves.
Sara ;)
