What did I lose? Sittingbear: Hi all...I've been doing some thinking about exposing my experience and all the hurt to healing stages of my best friend, lover and wife and self. It was you Scott and your missive to strangers that has given me this unfamiliar behaviour of opening up. When I read your missive, I was and still am blown away, your heart is in your missive and I am moved to share.
I met her in a time when both, her and I were feeling quite lonely. She was hooking and an alcoholic, drug abuser. I the clean and sober wanting to feel wanted and needed. Having me as I am, a humorous, fun, listener and with much kindness to share. She was attracted instantly, fore her previous lovers and present ones, were not the best choices.Abusive and issued filled, with one thing in mind. Continueing their individual vicious cycles.
After our first year, of fireworks, and wearing each others moccasins, We had our first child. A wonderful, healthy little girl. It was here that she changed, & I became depressed. I was so insecure and unsure of myself. She was becoming the Beast, and quite unhappy I might add. I followed suit, thus trying to keep the flames from consuming everything we had built together.
Years later , in the now: Dreams have vanished, and are but memories, only to be remade into a newer maturer Dream with another . She too is with another, I am with another, our daughter is in the middle. We continue to walk on our individual paths and towards our passions. Each of us are now carrying each other in our hearts, even though our cord of once apon a time love, is thinner. We work towards a new type of relationship ... a relationship stage that was not maintained...The Friendship.
With time and continued healing, and working for our maturities to develop, we willl become what we think,
Friends for the remainder of our lives. Better this than thorns in our side. Creator doesn't make garbage, nor am I or my lady-friend, nor are you, reader.
Thanks for reading
Re:What did I lose? riversandlakes: Friendship is possible when there's no betrayal.
When there is no attempt to dump the whole blame on the other.
when there is no attempt to screw with the other's sanity.
When there is no lie to shatter the trust built through the years.
When it is not about the other not cherishing.
Otherwise how can you trust this so-called "friend"? Do you need a friend like this - watch out for your back.
Yours just happen to be on the greater side. Both sides recognize the stop sign.
Re:What did I lose? Sittingbear: how can you trust this so-called "friend"? Do you need a friend like this -
I have travelled to many places. I have met people whom became my friends , yet it is the ones whom hated me, or disliked my behaivours or vise versa that I respect most. i am forced to see facets of life, which have such strong emotional attachments , which in turn disturb my day and living.Like looking in a mirror. What is it about this person that I have within me, and I don't like it? Yet I will not allow myself to be influenced by their emotions of dislike. Something greater is at work here. An oppurtunity for me (and her) to grow. I do beleive that if someones emotions are so heavy, imagine just what they can be like when opposite.
Otherwise, I would prefer to have any positive shred of friendship, preferably to years, decades of recycled hurt, and disharmony. I wish not my child to collect the shrapnel of these continued conflicts. It is a form of child abuse, to raise a child in an environment when her/his world is surrounded by such destructive, parental behaviour.
Yet in the final note...I would prefer our friendship now than a continued highschool game of "your not my friend anymore, you hurt me and I will hurt you back". This accomplishes nothing but to sabatoge my endevours and hers for a better life. Our child will reap the rewards, and fruits of our new labors.
forgive me, riversandlakes. A reminder : I have little or no understanding of your own suffering, seperation or anything about you. However we may come from total different environments and our situations are totally different and unique. Yet I am well aware of one thing. We are both healing and seeking the support apon our paths. Why else would we be here, in this amazing support group. I would like to invite you to continue your replys to any and all missives that I choose to share. Your strong opinions, clear statements and fresh perspectives are most needed and appreciated by me. Support comes in many forms, depending on ones willing to see it, accept it. and lastly work with it, in the best way I know how at this moment.
Sittingbear
Re:What did I lose? sjarhead76: Hi SittingBear. The only thing I could say is the children need to be the most important thing to both of you right now. However it seems she does not feel the same as you do about it. That is a shame. All to often they are the casualties of war, and they deserve so much better. I just wish I could have seent he loght before it was too late. In my own situation, I do believe there is a chance my wife and I may reconcile, and I pray it happens. However I know that she and I would be able to put any differences aside if it comes down to it. She is a great mother and I would not have had anyone else mother my children. In any case best of luck in your situation.
/scott
Re:What did I lose? riversandlakes: I have always known there're virtually limitless scenarios to everything - the proverbial two sides to a coin.
In retrospect, she never did request for me to be a friend - she assumed I shall be one. For all I knew, all of a sudden, the way I was being treated - I got demoted from near-fiance to close friend. In a blink. This is either arrogance or naivete.
At that moment, I truly wondered, "What would Jesus do?" Simon Peter denied him 3 times before the male-chicken (the original C.O.C.K. got translated into manhood!) crew. Was he not hurt? He forgave. I am struggling to do the same. Hey, I'm only human :P
She never asked before deciding this path, hence she never really cared. Staying as close friend will drag my healing. Cutting all ties will free me truly, for a friend like this - one who betrayed and hurt me more than anyone else has or ever (never again) - is not worth the air one breathes.
Do I sound bitter? I hope not. I do try to be objective...
