This is so confusing?? mommyof3: I had the courage to make a stand and leave my husband on Weds...Me and my 3 children are staying with my parents...I have been with him for 12 years...read previous post for more...it has been an up and down relationship for all 12...I had just had enough...and I was starting to see my son tip toe around my husband the way I had done for years. Now he is saying that it woke him up(I have heard it before, but everytime it makes you want to have that hope), he is going to start church, reading a book a friend recommended to him..and change, quit drinking, he says its the first day of his new life...But how do you know when its too late? I am so confused...I cried from the time I got to my moms until I feel asleep at bedtime just thinking of him in my empty house all alone. My counselor has told me to make everything about me and what I want...this is what I want...I am so afraid to trust him again, but at the same time you hate to just throw in the towel with someone you have been with for 12 years and have 3 children with...any other experiences with someone like this? i told him I needed to give it a good amount of time before ever trying again, that he has to prove to me he has changed. But then I don't know if that is what I even want or if I would be happier letting the past go and starting new on my own..I wonder if I love him and really miss him or if I am just feeling sorry for him for the pain and hurt I am causing...I am sooooo confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Re:This is so confusing?? Cizzler: Even if this is the kick in the pants he needed to want to make some changes for his family as well as himself, you still need to give him the time to do that. You can't go back for promises alone. You said yourself "you've heard it before". Don't look to him to prove it to you, though. If the changes are real you'll know.
When you are so used to taking care of everyone it's very hard to let that go. Don't feel guilty about your choice. Give it time.
Re:This is so confusing?? AmyMarie1972: If I were you I would give it time. Don't just accept his words. Get your life in order without him. Then if he really does show that he has changed and if you think that there could be a possibility that things might work date. Don't just go straight back to living together. Your relationship needs rebuilding, and dating will give you that chance to see if that is possible.
Re:This is so confusing?? kelly: I know all about being confused. I am two months out of my beautiful home because my husband of 19 yrs would not leave. My two boys are bounced from my 1bdrm apt. to our home. I am miserable in the apt. He has told me he will quit drinking. (drank everyday for as long as I have known him) I started telling him last year I thought he had a prob. He said I was his prob. I have been a good wife and mother. I have done the stay at home bit for 6 years so I know how you get when you are taking care of people and not yourself so much. I quit a career job and now have taken a much lower paid positiion for the last three years to have easy schedule for the kids. I give give and give and he takes takes and takes. Talks to me bad when drinking and when not. It so much courage to leave and now you have done this also. It is super hard but you have made it through it. In the last two months we have been up and down. I don't miss him and wonder if that means I don't love him anymore. Sometimes when you are emotionally shut out by your spouse, you shut down. Feelings of love move into the background, with feelings of hurt and despair and disbelief coming to the front. I have waited to miss him for two months and finally filed this morning because he has not changed even though he said he would. The drinking is better but not even close to being gone away. I don't know that I can trust him to change and so I filed so I can start moving on and if something miraculous happens in the meantime I can stop the BIG D. If it does not, at least I know I am closer to the freedom I may deserve at this point from the relationship that he threw out the door. NOT ME. If you have tried and tried, then you have done all you can do. Move on knowing you can always move back........
The kids will be okay. Love them, Love them and Love them. Do things with them, even if its the park. My relationship is actually better with my kids now because I am more focused on them and not all my worries. I will pray for you and please know that I am there with you in thought. I have cried many nights and even during the day at work. It just comes out. I don't want to turn loose but don't think I can go back at this point. Go with your gut.
Re:This is so confusing?? riversandlakes:
Please don't take things for granted. If you have doubts, step aback and take stock. Don't decide as yet. See if he has indeed changed.
There is, sadly, no formulas to follow. Some marriages survive fallouts; some don't. Some forgiving partners were perceived by the cheaters as being weak; some weren't. Which are yours going to be?
