Singapore Date Expert Shares Online Dating Persuasive Secrets is an interview with dating expert Desmond Leong.
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Q: Hi, this is Michael from OJar.com. Today, I’m joined by Desmond Leong. Desmond runs a well trafficked blog on dating. Desmond lives in Singapore and has a passion for reading books on dating advice, tips and every aspect of dating from handwriting analysis to the study of body language. Some of Desmond’s views are a little different from the common western perspective. So listen in while I grill him on some of his views. So, let’s start by asking who is DesmondLeong?
A: Well, I’m a 20-year-old Singaporean, I’m currently taking a degree in this business management. I have this passion for reading books on disguised persuasion. I find it really exciting that you can do things, there are techniques on there that actually — I will say attack perse, I will say actually works on the subconscious ofthe prospect, of your target and that you can actually influence them to do things that they would otherwise would not choose to do. Then there a lot of techniques on there (website). The reciprocation rule, contrast rule that, as there are so many techniques on there. I reckon all of them can be use one way or another.
I’ve read books that explain how to use them in business. I’ve read books on how people teach you to use it for businesses, okay mostly for businesses. I’ve realized that since I have a passion for reading books on dating too, on dating advices, on body languages, on how to study the handwriting of people.
I’ve realized that I can alter it for dating perspective. I checked the market idea by using Google search and could not find anything on, on using disguised persuasion for dating. So I figured then, since I have such a passion for it (at the moment), and there isn’t any available content on it in a moment on websites I can actually produce it. It’s not something that I can get off a book. It is something that I can alter myself to fit into to the dating perspective. This is how I hope to actually introduce the whole idea of disguised persuasion techniques for dating to the world.
Q: If you’re using disguised persuasion in dating, isn’t there an element of not telling the truth?
A: Oh yes, it’s a question a lot of people ask me. I believe there’s a thin line between manipulation and persuasion. I all comes down to your intention. If your intention is to trick the person to go out with you and then you do something horrible to the person then that is probably manipulation. However if you do it so that you can improve your dating life… to find the find the love of your life that probably at least closer to persuasion. You know that they are very negative connotations of the word manipulation, so, so I do believe it’s — what I’m
writing is not so much on, on manipulations it is more on persuasion.
Q: Tell me the name of your website, why you started it and some of the feedback you’ve gotten from people about your website?
A: The name of the website is Dating Rule Book.
I decided to create such a name because it helps me organize a lot of things. There’s always a rule one, rule two, rule three. Then there are various aspects of dating. Usually the main focus of the website is on the whole idea of disguised persuasion, which brings me to why I actually created a website. I got this from my passion of reading books on covert persuasion for business techniques and on other books on dating aspects. Dating tips, dating advices. Then I decided to all combine it together to create this dating rule book, which is foradult’s using disguised persuasion to help you enhance your dating life. In a sense that you, you know able to get more dates or get to date more.
Q: Tell me the timeline. How did you get started with the website? What were you doing at the time when you decided to build the website?
A: I was in university and you have a lot of free time and you start thinking To put a percentage on it, it was ninety percent passion and ten percent business venture.
Q: And who influences you the most when you start to study the psychology of seduction, tell me some of the people that you read about and that you considered a big influences in your beliefs about dating rules?
A: Okay, firstly the one author which I read from and probably influenced me the most is Robert Cialdini, he’s the author of Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive I read the book and I realized that it gives you the entire arsenal of persuasion techniques that you can use for businesses. After reading it I realized I can alter it for dating. This is something I do see in the market. I did a few Google searches and the closest thing that came to it were pickup artist forums. Most of the pickup artists tips pro-Romeo. They do not harbor the keenest of intention.
If you do a little research on pickup artists. The person that inspired me the most has to be my cell group leader in church. His name is Sashi . He told me one day after he gathered all the guys, “my first girlfriend is my wife right now. You have no idea how cool that is to you guys. She is my wife right now!”. In our current society the idea that you only have one girlfriend in your life and now she’s your wife (to a lot of people) that may not be cool.
To me that is something you can be so proud of. It is something you would be willing to tell everyone. It is such a wonderful thing to say! From there I decided to setup my life so that my first girlfriend would be my wife. I decided to enter the “dating game”. When I say dating I believe there can be some misinterpretation. Some people take dating as the serious boyfriend-girlfriend. I take dating as exploring the friendship phase of a relationship. Going out and having fun but no on a serious boyfriend-girlfriend basis. It is more of a getting to know each other
phase. That’s my personal perspective on dating relationships. You shouldn’t ever skip the friendship phase.
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Too often I see people going on a first date. They think they have some form of chemistry and they end up getting into a relationship and why doesn’t it last? The answer is that they have built the relationship on nothing. They have nothing to fall back on. No friendship. They have no idea how they would behave in front of each others friends and family. That’s how I see societies current problems with relationships are now. Everyone skips the friendship phase. I treat dating as the friendship phase so I can get to know the other person as well as possible and its possible to enter a relationship after learning everything about that person then I can with full knowledge enter the relationship. That then gives me the highest chance I will end up with a girl who will hopefully end up being my wife.
That’s my perspective and that’s how my cell group leader influenced my perspective.
Q: Now I notice on your website you talk a lot about rules. I think about ten. Which ones the most important in your opinion and why?
A: I would say like six of those ten techniques are based on disguised persuasion but I have to point out is the most important, there will be two posts on how to be the perfect guy and how to be a perfect girl. You can see that everything is — in a dating world if you want to be — if you want success in the dating world probably probably directly related to being the perfect guy and perfect girl, if you are perfect in that sense then I believe you will receive much success in the — in the dating word so it’s fair to say that — it’s fair to say that there are two post on how to be a perfect guy and perfect girl should be the most — should be more or less the most important post in the entire website.
Q: Also you have some opinions about the use of technology in dating, tell me what do you think it’s good and tell me what you thing the influence will be on dating?
A: Technology itself has affected dating countless number of ways, last time the only way you could meet new people was to actually get out of the house, to get out of the house, join a class like a dancing class, a baking class, a piano class or something, then you can meet new people there, however in the — the way I see as in website like match.com right now, it actually gathers all your — all your interest whether its soccer, whether it’s formula one racing everything, it gathers all your interest and then matches it all tighter, so it save you the trouble of actually going out of your house and meeting new people and then, with things like Skype and MSN messenger you can actually see the person and something really close, “inaudible” almost exactly a face to face conversation with the person if you’re both atwebcam or something, so yes actually it brought the world to your home, personally I feel like this isn’t the — isn’t the best of things as I’m a fan of actually going out there, meeting new people and getting to know — getting to know them face to face through all this contact but apparently now the — the technology has done all of that for you, you don’t have to step out of your house, at a click on a button you can find everyone you share your interest who lives really close to you and live in the same town as you and everything who is also in search of a dating partner, so.
Q: If people want to find out more about you and your website, what’s the best way to contact you?
A: The best way to contact me of course would be through my e-mail, visit my website itself which is www.datingrulebook.blogspot.com I wish to have further insight on everything the — the dating rule book is still on, they can always contact me through my e-mail of course.
Q: Excellent. Desmond, I want to thank you for your time today and forward to seeing the site developing.
A: Thank you very much.